homeless

the other day at work, a very old stinky bum came in to get coffee. he rummaged through his pockets to give us all the change pennies, etc. he had collected. boulder, colorado is such an odd place. even the bums go to starbucks and have north face backpacks. i'm not sure i understand yet.

i got on a plane yesterday to fly home. well...to fly to my parent's house. which isn't my home at all, not even the home i grew up in. it's a wonderful place and they're so happy here...but it's not my home. i don't live here, this house/bakersfield/california...i live in colorado now...and i have a house there...but it doesn't feel like a home either. i've been living there by myself, well with the exception of kenna. but it doesn't feel much like a home when you're by yourself. soon it will be a home.

i'm ready to have a home again. i'm ready to wake up because someone else is awake and making noise. to share the bathroom, to have someone else's dirty dishes in the sink, i realize that sounds crazy. but it's how i know i'm home, to be surrounded by family doing their everyday things. eating, watching the news, reading the paper, making coffee....it's home.

it's september 11...which made me think of all the people who lost loved ones....making their home feel emptier, different. less like home.