28 January 2009


The dividing wall of books in our apartment.

At times it feels as if all my decisions are silly and inconsequential. Most often, that is quite honestly correct. And then at times they seem not only silly and inconsequential, but also unoriginal. 

It's a lot to take on all at once - foolishness, inconsequential-ness & unoriginality. 

More accurately it is probably more an issue of the wide birth of humanity. The unoriginality of it all, as melodramatic as that sounds. The coming to terms with, not only has most everyone gone through what you have, made the decisions you've made, and even made the ones you've yet to make - but they've even written about it. And some have even done that unfairly well.

I am so small, and mostly I am thankful. And often I am tired of being so silly, so small and so inconsequential. 

It is then, and before then, and after then, that I know that I will never tire of being loved.

27 January 2009

January's Breakfast

Homemade bread with butter & honey. 

Berries covered in cream. 

Steaming fresh french press.

Mornings are simple & quiet lately. Just the way I love them.

26 January 2009

Quarter Of A Century

Red Velvet (my absolute favorite) Cupcakes from Sprinkles, and gifts from Anthropologie.

There is a lot I would change, and a lot I hope to change. Places I hope to grow, things I hope to hold on to. Places yet to be visited, and friends yet to be discovered...

Hello 25. 

18 January 2009

Hold 'em & Fold 'em

Poker Night. 

First a little lesson. Then a little wine. The dealing of chips. An agreement on what game should be played. The donning of a poker face. Cards shuffled. Game begins. 

Chips up, down, rolling in & whittling away. Peanuts, pizza, Swedish fish. 5 of clubs, 10 of hearts. Trail mix, popcorn. See the bet and raise it 20. Chili lime pistachios. Pair of queens! A flush! Lemon water & wine. 

Fun. That's all this was. Not in a simplistic way - in a simple, true, honest, belly laugh way. Some of us needed a night of distraction, some a night of relaxation, others simply needed to remember what it is to play. It is good and wise to surround yourself with others who allow you to play - to enjoy, to partake ... fully and without reservation. With mouths full of candy & nuts, we laughed and relished the evening, long into the morning. This is the way it is supposed to be. This is what we hope for. This is what we should be striving towards. It's not prestigious, it doesn't have a title, or letters after your name. It's friendship. And love. And joy. It is life sustaining. 

I find myself wanting to roll around, and wallow in these evenings - in this time. Glasses with puddles of wine. Pistachio shells littering the table. Empty plates and full stomachs. Full hearts. Cheeks sore with laughter.

And you thought it was just game night.

She took it all with style & a smirk - swindled us out of every last chip.

13 January 2009

Organized Yet Unprepared

Entirely unready for another round, I brace myself for what may be the most ridiculous semester of-my-life. Panic sets in with the realization that I maybe have not made the most of every last moment of freedom. I fear I may have a breakdown before it begins. That questioning inner voice has started again, and I wonder if I have it in me to do this once more. Yet again I will sit down in ignorance, and leave with some semblance of knowledge. Roughly 3,000 hours of absorbing, digesting and regurgitating. 

Breathe. Sit. Begin. 

12 January 2009

Saturday evening, the 10th of January, 2009.

Mayan Theater Denver, Colorado

One by one they show up. Free themselves of coats and scarves. Greetings and laughter fill the apartment. On the docket for the evening: Jerusalem Cafe & Mayan Theater. We catch up over wine and snacks, our stomachs anticipating the dinner ahead. Between sips of wine, we hear about lovers, or future lovers, or those who may never become. We talk about friends and life until finally, we are ready to head out. I had been craving this meal like a lunatic pregnant woman in her third trimester. (It's a simile, don't get your hopes up.) After a short wait in a crowded space, we fumble our way to our table. The food was divine - as it always is, without fail. Gyros, fries, onion rings, chicken & beef shawarmah, baklava... aaahh. Having eaten more than any of us should have, we waddle our way out. A short jaunt later we arrive at the Mayan Theater in the Baker District - a theater built in the 1930s, designed in the Art Deco Mayan Revival style. We found our seats and experienced a stunning performance by Sean Penn. A little shaken, and a little hopeful we collected ourselves back at home. Coats discarded, bags tossed to the wayside, shoes kicked off - we seatled down and simply let the evening wash over us.

Satisfied from the top to the tips. We were built for city life.

Mouths full of goodness - Jerusalem Cafe

06 January 2009


Early Morning Walk In The City - Lily, Josh

A month ago our friends Lily & Josh came out to visit us. An overabundance of words could describe our time together, and our friendship. But most appropriately: laughter. I am more than thankful that these two are in our lives. They're comfortable, home - and Sean and I will always welcome the beauty that they bring.

I've been quiet for the last month for a myriad of reasons. Much has happened, and it takes time to soak it in, let it fill me up,  and settle in me. Another semester has ended in the classic tangle of books, papers, coffee breath, red eyes and exhaustion. It is a freeing feeling, the end of a semester, but I find a tense swirling sensation growing in my stomach as I dread the onslaught of another attack, I mean semester. "Like an unstoppable rebel force."

As a celebration of sorts for the end of a semester, I spent a wild and crazy evening with friends. We literally romped about the South Broadway shops, concluding with a jaw-dropping few hours at Beatrice and Woodsley. Although I somehow ended up with big head, this photo, courtesy of my beautifully talented sister-in-law Amanda (aka Ruby), really captured the evening in all of its glory. Like crazy fools we enjoyed each other, great food and even more incredible drinks. It had been too long since I had had an evening of this caliber. It was no doubt, and evening to remember. One is hard-pressed to find a group of people more ready to enjoy life and laughter in their fullest.

Sean, Deanna, Giovanni, Ruby, Jules

Our holiday was spent with my family. A whirlwind of curly blond hair, new baby and video games. I love my nieces, and after a well deserved nap for us both, Gwen and I  spent some quality time watching The Wizard of Oz (Victor Fleming, 1939). It was her first viewing, and her expression seems appropriate for the film. Lyla Starr, the newest member of the family took her first holiday in stride, and I'm sure often wondered why a small black box was being shoved in her face.

Gwenevere Scout

Lyla Starr

Since being home, Sean and I have spent time trying to recover from the past month. Yesterday, after sleeping in, we fully committed to a day of rest by watching movies in bed until four o'clock, complete with meals in bed and naps at will. 

As lovely and well deserved as it has been to rest and hide from the world, I have begun to get the itch to create, to do... to leave the apartment. In an attempt to re-socialize myself, I ventured out to the Nuggets vs. Pacers game. Although picture-less, last night was the perfect "welcome back to life" evening. I now feel somewhat ready to begin again. However, a relapse of movies in bed may not be entirely uncalled for before all is said and done.