coming soon...

i'm sure that sean & i will see the new harry potter movie when it comes out. but more importantly we'll probably go with these two....& maybe we'll make him sign autographs.

magic 8 ball

my view as kenna and i played with the cat in our backyard this evening.
preemptive responses to your questions: 1] yes our "yard" is huge. 2] yes, that is part of the pond in said yard. 3] most likely i contracted west nile while taking this picture. when i asked the magic 8 ball, it replied, "Signs Point To Yes", i suppose i can be thankful that the response wasn't "It Is Decidedly So."

the stresses of everyday life

clearly, life's demands have been too much for him lately. keeping up with his bug killing quota has simply taken a toll on his young body...that or he's still wiped out from killing the atomic sized rat.

conundrum

i am part native american. actual part, as in my dad's grandfather was the real deal. my dad & his brothers and sisters used to beg him to do rain dances in their backyard when he would come to visit. my pops is also irish. my mother is english & welsh [& lots of other bits of european i'm sure]. so at times i can't help but think, "am i the oppressor? or the oppressed?" at some point my friend posted about the fact that every white person is an oppressor & a colonizer [that's is badly summarized, read her statement here.]
and ever since i read that post of hers i have thought to myself, "would i say that i am those things?"
i am those things, and i am not those things.

you'd never guess

that often i am awoken by the voice of johnathan capp saying, "wake-y, wake-y, eggs & bake-y, get up, rise & shine. Wooooo!"
[it's sean's alarm clock]

a bit more like home

baseball seasons makes colorado feel a bit more like home for me each summer. the dodgers will always be my team. always. however, i must admit that i have found a favorite on the rockies team. jeff "baby face" francis.
it's sad when you're favorite is a pitcher however, because they're not always going to play. but he is by far my favorite for the rockies. my other favorites are Kazuo Matsui & ryan "fancy face" spilborghs.

afternoon thunderstorms

i don't have much to write about them. i just like them. i tried writing a whole montage about my childhood and such, including some heartwarming story about rainstorms. but really...i just like them. they make me laugh, no explanation why. the same way roller coasters do, but for different reasons i'm sure.
i have decided to not take any classes this summer and so i am looking forward to a calm, relaxing summer of afternoon thunderstorms...or if it's not calm and relaxing...maybe i'll have a summer like in the burbs, full of adventure...spying on neighbors & suspecting them of murder. i mean isn't that how all those movies start? with someone planning on having a great "relaxing time" like beatlejuice or funny farm. man, how completely awesome would that summer be; a mixture of the burbs, beatlejuice & funny farm.
other random thought: perhaps people walk around with their iPod permanently connected to their head because they wish...like so many, that their life could come with a soundtrack. i mean, it's pretty close you gotta admit.

secret...

i love hostess cupcakes.
it's finals week. this week i have 3 finals, 1 unit test and one presentation. so i bought hostess cupcakes. no they're not good for you. and yes i like the fact that they don't exactly taste like chocolate. they taste like a hostess cupcake. not like any actual real food. so when you ask yourself, "how will she get through finals?" you may now answer yourself, "with lots of coffee, tea, and hostess cupcakes."
also, i find that during finals week there's just never enough time. i'm sure something all college students experience. however i find myself freaking out "what? i just checked my e-mail for 30 minutes?!? that's 30 minutes i've lost now! i'm going to be up forever. the rest of my LIFE! i'll never sleep again!" [a real charlie brown moment y'know? lots of screaming with your face toward the ceiling & arms hanging heavily by your sides as if the world is too much.]
just gotta make it until monday at 700pm. it's like a mantra. monday @ 7...monday @ 7...

not so bad

it's supposed to be about 70 today.
i am going to take the dog on a run, do some laundry, spend some time in the garden getting things ready for the spring and also some time studying for my classes this afternoon.

...did i mention that my brother's family is just lovely?

this is what happens when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong.

[below] you get fatty face...

[above] what she normally looks like

[don't worry she is now on medication...however it was quite a long day. when she appeared in the kitchen at 600am with puffy face sean said sleepily, "why does her face look swollen?" i said, "because it is."]

brilliant

my husband is brilliant. besides the fact that he was a professional cook for years, and now is a pre-med student, today he made me two loaves of homemade whole wheat bread, and gave me a fabulous hair cut. brilliant.

sickened.

i just finished reading a post about Princeton Theological Seminary's lack of care for "sustainability", and the accompanying comments. you can check it out here. mostly after reading the last comment i was outraged, sickened. felt like screaming and crying all at the same time. what is the church doing? what are we doing? the last comment i read was this ["ringo" responding to another person's comment directed at him]:

"Second, Ringo, a Christian institution is never just a business. The real question is: How complicit does the church have to be in a humanitarian disaster before receiving due blame?"

[Ringo responds], "Well, how complicit does the church have to be until we have completely abandoned the gospel of Jesus Christ for political action and environmental issues? Then, instead of millions hungry, we will have billions in the dark about Jesus Christ. Both are important….but, again, I think we need to have our priorities straight."

...what does it matter if billions are in the dark about Jesus Christ if they're already dead? and yes we do need to have our priorities straight. but i'm pretty sure that saving people's lives was pretty high on Christ's list. but whatever. keep preaching to them, i'm sure that will help their hunger and disease brought on by our sin & abuse of the earth. continue to tell them about the loaves and fishes, because that might "feed" their souls.

honestly....
i am not saddened by this, i am disgusted. it makes me want to throw up. that "christian's" would honestly allow themselves to believe that caring about the environment and the people in it and the consequences of our actions are not important or have any bearing or effect on our faith, and actions, or that it is a "liberal" issue. that's shit, it's a human issue. what about "the least of these" what about the responsibility we have because we have been "given" all of this? what about the fact that if God spent time creating this he probably cared about it also? but i suppose that too is an inconvenient truth for some of us.

i love the fog, i hate the snow

nothing

honestly. nothing to write. but really, truly, honestly i have fixed the commenting problem. i think.

unceremoniously

iTunes has apparently shut itself down on our computer. fabulous. so i went looking for another musical device so that i could get some inspiration for writing something of interest. i didn't find anything of interest, however i did find myself.
my iPod was in my purse, inside my bag. however to get there i pulled out a scarf, gloves still covered with london grime, umbrella, bags of unopened tea, sunglasses, a bag of peanuts, regular glasses with an old outdated prescription, tampons, chemistry textbook, planner, bottle of gatorade, notebooks, endless amounts of chapsticks, two novels, my lab manual...it doesn't really end. as i sat on the floor with this surrounding me i thought, "this is me." like bits of me just landed abruptly and unceremoniously on the floor.
don't confuse this with being prepared. this afternoon i arrived for chemistry and realized that i hadn't brought any paper. which if you're being honest just really makes you think, "well shit." never mind the fact that i had the means to make hot tea, or have a delightful snack, or fully prepared for another freak blizzard. but paper? for my five hour chemistry class. no. that i don't have. so i look at the poor sap sitting next to me. it's at this point that i find myself thinking "someday. somday i'll be the one that has it all together. but today, is the day i ask for paper."
man, i mean you would think that simply by freak mathematical probability that eventually i would have to arrive a put together person every once in a while. the upside. it's thursday. my favorite day. thursdays mean the weekend. thursdays mean drinks and dinner with amanda and ross. they include dogs running a muck in the house, and the office and grey's. laughter and games. i like thursdays. there are many parts of my life that are creating a horrid tightening & churning of my stomach as of late. but thursdays....they're better.

an apology and kind of a funk

first off. i'm not sure what was happening with the comments on my blog, but i feel i have fixed the problem. i hope. we'll see. here is my formal apology for the lack of your ability to comment on my blog. i hope in the future to operate in a much more professional manner.

today we are going down to denver. i have nothing to do down there but sean is going to talk to his chemistry professor about doing research or something. i plan to wonder around downtown probably stop at a coffee shop, or bookstore and mill about aimlessly.
today has been quiet. i woke up to the dog eating cookies. obviously that wasn't supposed to happen. then i made myself breakfast. a fried egg sandwich, coffee and a bellini. and ate it while watching life aquatic.
i wish i had something moving to write about, or even something interesting. but i'm feeling drained today. not empty or depressed, just drained.
last night i sat on our kitchen chair staring into the fridge trying to figure out something to eat for dinner. sean walked in, kinda smiled and said, "oh no, you're demoralized" i felt demoralized.
so here's to today. here's hoping that it's better than yesterday.
"if i was cyring, in the van, with my friend, it was for freedom. from myself and from the land. i made a lot of mistakes. i made of lot of mistakes."

the examples given for labels for this post are "e.g. scooters, vacation, fall" most making sense. but scooters? i mean i publish a lot of completely inane posts, but scooters. i haven't gotten to that point yet. a whole post about scooters...man, i don't even know where to start with that.

because growing up is scary.

i don't hope that one day i could write this well. i am simply thankful that this woman can write so well. so very very thankful.

From "The House on Mango Street" by Sandra Cisneros
chapter: The Family of Little Feet
"Hurray! Today we are Cinderella because our feet fit exactly, and we laugh at Rachel's one foot with a girl's grey sock and a lady's high heel. Do you like these shoes? But the truth is it is scarey to look down at your foot that is no longer yours and see attached a long long leg."

it seems so inadequate. but all i can say is, me too....me too.

flowers

everyone always talks about the seasons of your life. and how you'll look back and you'll laugh. or that you will remember with fondness the days when you had no money. i don't doubt that i'll won't remember this time in our lives. but no one ever decides to continue on with life without money. without their security. a month ago someone asked me what we were living on. did we just have a large savings that we were falling back on. "nope. just feel like this is what we're supposed to be doing" is all i can say. that always meets people well. they love to hear that. "oh that's great" they'll say "how good of you" well it may be great and well for someone but not them is really what they're saying. because sometimes you finish paying a few bills and there's ninty-seven dollars in your bank account. and rent is due in weeks and presents to buy and phone bills and, and, and. and y'know sometimes you stop and ask yourself. when is that time? when is it that i'm supposed to look back and think this was fun? when is it that this becomes nostalgic? when does it cross over from terrifying to "that crazy time in life". because i'm waiting and i don't see the light.
it seems like a very memorable time in life, but memorable like natural disasters are memorable. not like your 5th birthday party, or your wedding day. but hey. it's fun right? we'll have stories. and we'll get to tell our kids, and we'll remember when we ate pizza for every meal. except for that's just it. we don't eat pizza for every meal. it costs too much. so no i don't think this turns out to be one of those times. i don't think you look back on this and smile. i think you look back and say "thank God it's over". because if it were so fascinatingly fantastic you would be writing this post. but you're not, because it's not a time anyone ever wants to re-visit or re-live.

someday there will be flowers in the window...but i will not look back on this fondly. i will not yearn for this time of life again.

...a complaint, a surprise, a bit of a who's who

a few reasons i don't like my school:
1) it smells like a movie theater. a great smell for a movie theater...odd for a college. it smells this way because they are always popping popcorn. again. i know you're thinking "i wish.." no. stop. you don't wish. it's odd.
2) i don't know that more teal and purple could have fit into a building. it's as if you've stepped into some horrid dream circa 1990 and you can't ever seem to leave.
3) i feel as if i am in college day care.
4) the bathrooms smell WAY worse than any bathroom in any school i've ever attended.
5) i have been there for almost 2 years now, and i still get lost...it's not big, it's mostly as if you are in a very badly put together maze...with lots of teal and purple.
6) there are no windows in my classrooms. my high school didn't have windows either. honestly...who's against the window? really...is there someone out there sitting around thinking of what would be the best environment, the one most conducive to learning and they thought "OH, a windowless world of teal and purple! THAT will get these kids thinking!"
7) it is located in the suburbia of suburbia land. it's nowhere.

however, i have learned that i really do like chemistry. honestly. it is now 2:50am and i just finished doing my chemistry homework (not because of procrastination, simply bad timing..only got it yesterday) but i was enjoying it....enjoying it and surprised when i looked at the clock that it was almost 3 am (i was lost in the fun). i could sit about doing chemistry all day long and i would enjoy it. everything fits into nice neat boxes, it follows clear rules, you sit around and manipulate and manipulate and then WHALA! perfect. incredibly satisfying.
also we're supposed to get a blizzard tonight? my A&P teacher who never speaks to me, and i'm not sure knows my name informed me of this when i walked in the door tonight. first thing the man's ever said to me. odder than odd. but hey, y'know, i've got that.

and humm...i'm not sure you've met my cousin MRS. ANNE C. GROVES! it was beautiful. pictures and stories to come.
for now....i'll leave you with the teal and purple popcorn suburbia, chemistry loving and a blizzard. i mean, what else is there really? and i'm not spell checking...it's begun to depress me once again.

my lunch

...because sometimes you need a really good meal. i made homemade onion rings with a blue cheese/cayenne pepper sauce, and a hot dog with mustard. ohh man, it was good. i had to go with this picture because the camera battery died. the whole thing was made and consumed within 45 minutes...now on to the endless hours of studying.