The Reaction.

You don't have to study tomorrow.

What?!?

Summer Time

"And now," cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!"

It was starting to become funny...

I have been officially accepted to the University of Colorado at Denver.

so close. so. very. close.

12 May 2008, 4:00p it will all be over. 

This morning I strung the lights in the trees in our garden and it's starting to feel like summer. This is going to be the longest week of my l-i-f-e. Drama, I know but - deal. 

George McCraw & Hampton Dunn - Grandpas We Miss.

The Writing

My sister in law is convinced that I should major in something to do with writing. Like creative writing. Each day she says this to me. Each day I make the scrunchie, yuck face.

"They" say that my writing is humorous and honest. To me it seems honestly boring, "Have you read my boring post? The one that slowly meanders it's way through the paragraph as if it walked in with purpose and then couldn't quite remember what it was and found itself opening the microwave to put the milk away?". My writing has no direction much like my life has no direction. Direction-less. Well more like direction-void, because my writing does not have less direction that it used to, it just had no direction from the get go. My writing seems self indulgent at best and ridiculous most of the time. Maybe heartfelt, but heartfelt wanderings and indulgent musings are still crappy writing, even if you did really feel it. "This funny antidote is really from my heart," well great, but it's still a terrible read. A muddled merry-go-round. If I wait until there is something "meaningful" or productive or finished or hell good to write about there would be nothing here. When is it good enough? Oh probably never. Not competitive - just... Everyone is a writer and everyone is a guitar player - well... Many shouldn't write, and most shouldn't play. Here's the thing, I'm not even totally interested in me. At best I find myself mildly amusing & unnecessarily sarcastic - but a "good read". Humm. I don't know about that. Perhaps I am gifted beyond reason - too easily able to laugh at myself and therefore my writing is sub par because I'm okay to laugh it off and say, "Well I never said I was a writer!" There's the "they" that say that you can hear my inflection and my voice through my writing - but here's the deal, can a stranger hear it? Someone who's never met me? It's debatable - and leaning far to the no side. One slightly humorous sentence amidst a sea of barf-o, does not good writing make. So do I confine myself to only future posts of superb writing? No - because then there would be no more posts. But I do wish for it to be more. Or if not more, let's at least try for less bad. Funny tone cannot cover up bad, wandering writing. 

 

New York Train Trip

Quintessential sunglasses have been purchased. Pictured soon. 

our house

Herbs Revisited

Anxiously awaiting the end of the semester ... When summer comes it will bring with it baseball games and dinner in the garden.

In hopes of fooling mother nature I planted Thyme, Lemon Thyme, Chives, Sage and Lavender (& not pictured - Kale, Cilantro, Dill & Swiss Chard).

It's supposed to snow tomorrow. "80 today, snow tomorrow. Stay tuned for the details at 8:00!" [It's crap like that on the news that makes me hate local news, because they say it with such enthusiasm and glee, makes you want to throw your coffee at them, except for then you wouldn't have coffee and they would still be sitting there with their crazed smiles. I call one of our local news persons Beaker (like from the Muppets) he is my least favorite, not the Muppet, but the news man. And yes, the news man does look like Beaker. Great look for a Muppet - bad look for anything non-Muppet. Local news people always just say the cheesiest, lamest, make-you-want-to-vomit nonsense. "Grab your shades!" Another of their horrible sayings. "It's sunny out there - grab your shades!" We have something like 350 days of sunshine here, why would I not always be grabbing my shades? Yes, I am also grumpy in the morning and this may have something to do with my less than amiable feelings towards local news. And yes I realize that I don't have to turn it on. But then how would I know to grab my shades?]

...Back to the garden.

Sean's all about the "from seed" way of growing things. I gave it a whirl. It was just dandy - and now I'm done with it. Mostly because our spring is too cold and snowy and the summers are too short, and too hot. Once my stuff was coming up, it was dying. This year I'm all about the instant herb. I could feasibly plant and harvest all in one day. Mind you, not probably the most advisable way to go about it, but I could, which is the point. I should probably mention that I did spend a good 15 minutes covering all of my new "babies" with plastic bags so as to keep them out of the frost-snow-sleet-rain-frozen-ness that is supposed to fall from the sky tomorrow. [According to the lady who wears a lot of hairspray.]

While I was planting my new herbs, Sean just read books about seeds, and how to do... I don't know what to your seeds - sing them songs, and maybe they talk pretty one day. Clearly, this all says a lot about who I am and who he is. Sarcastic vs. patient. Yup, pretty much sums it up.

Daytime TV Beware!

Inside my head, you might hear this phrase on a continuous mind numbing loop, "I can't study like this. There. No. I can't study like this. There. No. I can't study like this!". 

As mentioned before I've got serious skills in the area of procrastination. When I was younger, I hadn't quite honed said skills. Now that I'm above the fray, I would never do something so trivial as watching the tele to avoid homework. It's taken 24 years, but ho, watch out Sally Jessy Raphael! 

The process now looks a bit like this:

1) Collect all books, notes, papers, pens, markers and note cards from the various suspiciously mystifying places they've ended up. Who put my Microbiology notebook under the dining room table, beneath this blanket?????? Oh. Me. 

2) Sit down.

3) Collect myself, take a deep breath. 

4) Open book.

5) Read one sentence.

6) Ooh. I need a drink of water.

7) Sit down, with water. Start again.

8) Ooh. My hair is in my face. I should put it up.

9) Sit down, with water, hair up. Start again. 

10) Ooh. Those baseboards are really dirty. Gross.

11) Clean baseboards. Aaaah. So much better.

12) Water. Hair up. Clean baseboards. Start again.

13) Ooh. I should probably vacuum today. 

14) Water. Hair up. Clean baseboards. Vacuumed house. Start again.

15) Ooh. Too much water. I need to go to the bathroom. Hey! This bathroom is gross... It needs to be cleaned.

16) Water, Hair, Baseboards, Vacuum, Visit & Clean bathroom. Start again.

17) Whew. Man, I'm kinda hungry.

18) Make lunch.... notice the dishes that need to be done... 

19) Water, Hair, Baseboards, Vacuum, Bathroom, Dishes. Start again.

20) Look at clock. Man, I've been doing homework for HOURS. I need a break. Probably best to just finish this up tomorrow.

House - so clean during the semester... 

your mother does not work here... to the extreme.

It has been some time since I've witnessed, or noticed something hilariously ridiculous at my "college of choice". I mean I notice many an outlandish and bizarre occurrence there on a daily basis, however - this one, was clearly a golden opportunity. 

I went into the "study lounge" which I had yet to frequent in my three years of attendance. It was alright, didn't smell too bad, was quiet (as the many signs insured me that it would be) and as I was walking towards an unoccupied cubicle, I noticed a sign on the wall. This is what it said word for word. Seriously, I could not have made this up.

"Please pick up any food and trash when you leave. We are trying to decrease the insect and rodent issues in the campus center."  

Ooook. I was not aware that there was an insect and rodent issue - but now this "clean up after yourself" sign has made me PAINFULLY aware that there is.

Add another one to the "Cons" side of the list for this place of higher education...

uh oh ... ten little fingers & ten little toes

due date: 10 December 2008

we are quite excited and anxiously awaiting the new addition to our family. 

addition via my brother & his wife - that's right "Joojie" & "Naan" will be an aunt and uncle again! 

my vague, vague life...

I did not get in.

I might go to Metro.

It is clear that I am not in charge of my life or my existence - and I am thankful for that. [Because clearly I do not know what I'm doing. Sometimes it's like a lab experiment that gas gone awry - the kind where you give a sideways glance at your lab partner and you both make the "oh crap" look ... and then start to try and control the laughter.]

I am tired in my soul.

Clarity is slow at coming in my life...

Sometimes I wonder if Murphy is stalking me.

magic markers

although time consuming, I decided to make my own wrapping paper for a birthday gift I'm sending out ... needed to do something creative in the midst of all of this rote memorization. the design I can't claim, it's a copy from one of my favorite mugs. I just like it a lot. 

dreams

I had a friend in high school who would become genuinely angry with you about things that your dream self had done.  

Conversations would proceed as follows:

You: Morning K.

K: No. I'm angry with you.

You: What? What did I do...?

K: It was your dream self.

You: What?!?

K: Your dream self. I'm not talking to you.

Clearly there is no way to argue yourself out of that one. You simply had to let it pass. It really isn't wise or advisable to argue with the crazy in people. 

Last night I dreamt that I was sitting in an old, eclectic, warm house, bursting with friends. Classically milling about after what must have been a magical dinner. Some were drinking, some were still picking at dessert, some lying down on a couch or slouched into an overstuffed chair. I was still at the table talking and laughing with my friend Shalene and .... Adrian Brody. 

This morning I woke, increasingly jealous of my dream self. 

...and we bought one of these this weekend

it's an exciting book

I will spend the rest of this evening and probably a fair portion of the early morning (do to my complete lack of time management skills) studying the respiratory system. the above photograph is of tracheal epithelium showing both ciliated cells and nonciliated goblet cells. so pretty. however, let's be positive, glass half-full type of people. it's not that I lack time management skills, it's just that my time wasting skills are highly developed. h-i-g-h-l-y developed.

on a completely different note, because although I know that you were riveted by the above topic, one must move on, least we find ourselves stuck tumbling down a rabbit hole of looping conversation about epithelium - which, is more easily done that one might imagine. I spent the better part of my time wasting skills researching a trip to upstate new york via the train. it's all very exciting. the prospect of traveling by train, and being able to spend our "lay over" time in chicago roaming the city, exploring & eating incredible pizza is strangely more alluring than being stuck in airports (and all that comes with them) for 24 hours straight. if we can pull this off well, we could be planning our most romantic "period piece" vacation ever. traveling by train to the grandparent's lake cottage, spending a day in chicago on departure and return travel, and enjoying our strange compartment room on a train sounds like a trip that will ensue an onslaught of incredible stories. not to mention that scenes of the darjeeling limited will flash through my memory continually - hopefully some quintessential sunglasses can be purchased for this trip...

dada da da do

...you're gunna want it.

jaymay has stolen my heart. especially the song gray or blue from their "new" (released this past november) album autumn fallin. maybe it's the fact that the lyrics are lovely, or perhaps that they made great use of a xylophone, a ukulele and a string bass; but it's like someone wrote incredible strolling music.

brings back a little of the feeling like life can still be romantic. two years ago, when i was walking out on the rickety old wooden dock at the lake house in upstate new york on a balmy july evening and i encountered fireflies for the first time. it was like my still small voice said, "oh. life is romantic. indelibly romantic".

aspirations part II

if in any way i could write this well i might not feel so awkward about having a blog. (note: not so awkward. i would still feel awkward about it.) this may be one of the truest, and most hysterical, things i have ever read. this post in particular. but she in general is hilarious - [the underwear drawer]. one of those people who makes you feel like you could have odd stalker tendencies if you lived in closer proximity. or that you might find yourself desperately trying to be a friend to a total stranger, because they are that cool.

also she gives me hope that sean and i can survive whatever may come in this crazy journey that we've embarked upon. these next...this next decade of our lives is THE scariest thing i've ever decided to take on with someone. but it is a huge consolation that i feel that somehow i won't have to lose myself in the process. that the madness within which gives me the ability to laugh at myself and at life, freak out inside while upholding some illusion of normalcy to the passing public and create honest, albeit sarcastic, narration to my life will be of some help in this, the craziest of things i've ever done.

homework

this weekend...awww nope, monday morning 1245am.

last weekend i spent my time drawing...try not to be too jealous.

friday afternoon boulder

yesterday sean and i spent some time at pekoe. just sitting in the outside cafe with kenna, drinking iced chai and an americano. kenna said she was fine and didn't want anything. we enjoyed the little bit of sunshine, got some studying done and then needed to move on. we strolled over to north boulder park and let kenna chase after pieces of sticks that we could find. once we had sufficiently worn out the dog, we walked back over to ideal market/whole foods and bought some soup & pasta salads for dinner, sat down at the tables outside and enjoyed our meal. soon after sean headed to work for the night. but it was a sweet afternoon.

aspirations

the burrow. i think that's what i want our home to be. if i can achieve that in life, i will feel good about who i have become. unpretentious, honest, welcoming, full of laughter, full of food, full of family, full of friends...

today's special

for sure this photo is phenomenal. you can follow my cousin's journey via their website Riding the Spine. this photo is from their latest set in costa rica, just a little "biking hammock colony" i believe is what Jacob called it.

the iPod muddle [like those mint leaves]

rodrigo y gabriela, what was i doing with my life before i started listening to this stuff? jack, you had me from the first line of the first song and you've delivered again. amy winehouse with that crazy jazzy funk is infections. shins, there are no words. spoon, you motivate me like none other. BNL *sigh*, your like home...memories, fondness, fun, honest. modest mouse - yes puh-lease.

the reward

well this saturday night had hopes to be incredible. it has really taken a nose dive quickly... we were going to go out to dinner [corridor 44] and have a date night, and then drop by deanna's european farewell party, and then stop by the bars and wish my friend terri a very happy 24th birthday. see, it would have been a noteworthy evening my friends.

alas, sean ended up having to work tonight... & because i truly, truly cannot get my act together since getting back from cumberland island i have realized that i have 2 chapters of anatomy & physiology to read, 4 chapters of microbiology to read, 2 online assessments and a substantial, seriously extensive map of the human body to label [just the cardiac and circulatory systems however], as well as 2 exam outlines to begin/finish, OH and a ridiculously hard 6 question homework handout...one of those takes you 2 hours to answer one question, and even after that you're holding your breath and making the confused face hoping that what you wrote might in some strange way resemble something close to an answer.

so tonight i am doing none of the aforementioned charming activities. i am buckling down and finishing most of the "should have dones" that i should-have-done earlier in the week. on the other hand, as my husband was leaving for work tonight he said, "get all your work done so that tomorrow night we can celebrate and drink martinis and watch the oscars!". aaahh, i do love that man.

now about the little matter of me not being able to get my act together since returning from the island. let me tell you why that is. chiefly, every morning i would wake up at 700am and throw a sweater on over my pajamas, stuff my feet into my boots, walk down stairs using the secret stairwell that goes straight to the kitchen [with only a brief option of a stop off @ the bar], fill two to go cups with fresh steaming coffee, walk back up the stairs [this time stopping and grabbing two bottles of orange juice from the bar fridge], climb back in bed with sean where we would sit and watch the sunrise while drinking our coffee & oj. then we'd get ourselves dressed for the day and head downstairs for some breakfast. while eating breakfast someone would come in, tidy up our room, change our sheets, make our bed and pick up our wet towels. after breakfast it was off to adventure, but first we would stop by the kitchen and pick up our picnic lunches that had been made for us... absurdly incredible picnic lunches. then it was off to ride bikes around the island, hang out at the beach, visit the marshes, take naps on the bed swings on the porch, visit with the family, explore the ruins, scout out armadillos, wild horses & wild turkeys. upon returning from a day of adventuring you could head down to the dining room and pick up a bowl of staggeringly good soup and some sweet tea. then all you had to worry about for the rest of the evening was showering and dressing up for happy hour & dinner. did i mention that you didn't even have to pick up your own dishes. finished with that cup of coffee??, just leave it on the table, or the porch, or wherever you happen to be, someone will be along to get it....there actually was no where to take your dirty dishes even if you wanted to.
all in all it was truly, absurdly relaxing & wonderfully fun. however facing reality has been, well more than just an adjustment.

Cumberland Island

it's been difficult to come back to real life...

ugly day

... and it wasn't even my attitude that was ugly this time.

so sometimes, you wake up, shower, get dressed, eat, leave for class and realize about 5 seconds into the class that you quite completely, honestly and truly hate what you've decided to put on that day. not in like a "this just isn't my favorite outfit" kind of way, but it's more a "oh dear good god, what on earth ever possessed me to purchase these hideous pieces of cotton???!?" i am getting my hair cut tomorrow, so today of course i hated it more than i usually do. AND THEN to top it all off, i was all bundled up because the news people said it was going to snow....not only did it now snow... I HAD TO TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING.
if you're wondering if sweating profusely, on top of hating your hair & completely loathing your choice of "non-fashion", makes you feel better about yourself ... it doesn't. now you just smell. (and the afore mentioned hideous shirt might just have also been heather gray, so it's clear to the world that you've overdressed & are now paying the price.)

i went shopping after class today.

the only thing to dread now is the fact that at some point in the near future i'm sure to be sitting somewhere wearing the exact clothes that i so desperately love and bought today thinking, "oh dear good god, what on earth ever possessed me to purchase these hideous pieces of cotton???!?" and the cycle shall repeat.

simply lovely

Juno, you were superb. Superb my friend. Almost instantly you were true to my heart. You were a beautiful, lovely and honest film and I will think of you often.

Sean & I will be headed to Corridor 44 for Restaurant Week this year. I am looking forward to eating incredible food, drinking champagne, getting all dressed up & discovering new reasons why I am incredibly blessed in this marriage. Tonight while watching House a character voiced something I have always felt - that the more you know someone the more you should love them. That you shouldn't love them as much as the day you married them, but more than the day you married them. As you know them more, you love them more. You find more of the beauty in them and you forgive more of the ugly.

Agenda: Amante

today i will be spending a few hours...let's be modest and say...five hours, with my good friends the endocrine & circulatory systems. only to be followed up by my buddies the prokaryotes, eukaryotes and the accomplishments of many dead biologists.
however to take a bit of the bite out of what can only be thought of as perhaps the worst way to spend one's thursday afternoon i will be studying at Amante in north boulder. i do truly loathe anatomy & physiology II, but i feel once that cappuccino hits my sweet little hand life will seem a little bit better.
on a good note however, i have found that not only did i really enjoy chemistry, but i am now honestly enjoying microbiology. i'm glad for biology that it's finally restoring it's self worth in my eyes.

sweet indulgence.

homemade mango salsa, a glass of wine & boston legal ... savoring the last few days of vacation.

awake...a little too long?

sean worked christmas eve night in the E.D., which apparently was crazy [worked 13 hours straight, no breaks, not enough beds for patients, etc.], and then came home christmas morning, stuffed my stocking, showered & headed out with me for a day of family christmas festivities. [no time for sleeping]
we had cinnimon sticky buns & coffee at his parent's house, then drove up with them and amanda & ross to the Stanley Hotel [home of the shining] for an amazing brunch, or what we might refer to after this as "christmas gluttony".
we finished up the evening by watching part of home alone & relaxing on the couch. however..maybe sean should have just gone to sleep? we were both exhausted, but had a wonderful christmas day.

merry christmas

few changes this year from years past. a small christmas gift to sean was to allow all childhood ornaments to adorn our tree this year. in truth i don't really have anything against said ornaments, but in the past we've had a larger tree and there simply weren't enough of them to really "decorate" a tree. so it ended up looking like a bad arts & crafts phase had erupted and sneezed an awkwardly small amount of home-made ornaments onto our tree. also there is the balance that must be kept in our house between sean's complete lack of organization and my crazed love of organization. clearly, we're both a bit extreme (in a fit of excitement one night i organized our bathroom cupboards with bins and labeled everything...it was awesome). with the purchase of a smaller tree this year, all parties involved were happy with the outcome. or happier...

really all of this pales in comparison to the letter i received from the university of colorado on friday evening. as of december 10th of this year i had officially completed all of my prerequisites for the Bachelor of Science in Dental Hygiene program at CU. my application had been sent in this past june & i was simply waiting to hear about my status and whether or not i had been accepted to the next phase of the application process, the interview. interviews were scheduled to begin in january and go through march. however, there's been a little kink in the process...

on friday evening sean picked up our mail, walked over to me, and handed me a envelope from the University of Colorado at Denver and Health Sciences Center, School of Dentistry. we were both a little nerves assuming that this was the letter informing me as to whether or not i had made it to the interviewing phase of the application. i open the envelope and began reading. sean was trying to read my facial expression, knowing that i should know my fate after the first sentence or two. however, i continued to read looking more and more confused, then just started to say, "what?! what?!?". sean asked what was going on and i said, "they've decided to shut down the program, and will not be accepting any students for the summer 2008 term..."

so if you find you're a bit bamboozled as to what it is i'm saying here's the bushi - i've been neither accepted NOR rejected ... there is simply NO LONGER A SCHOOL for me to be accepted or rejected BY!

deadlines for other dental hygiene programs are january 1, dental hygiene programs which are associate programs, not bachelor programs. i simply cannot get a complete application together in time, also added that i am leaving the state on the 26th and won't be home again until january 11. it is doubtful how helpful CU is going to be considering that i never have been, now most likely never will be a student of theirs, and i need them to forward on applications and transcripts, letters of recommendation, etc. all this on top of the fact that the prerequisites are different for the schools i now need to apply to, and am learning that there are more classes i need to complete at a ridiculously fast pace. anyone up for Human Anatomy & Physiology II this summer? and never mind the fact that i now cannot get my licensing and bachelors degree at the same time. i now have to finishing this schooling (another 2 to 3 years, then go back and finish my bachelors, another 2 years at least...if going full time, which is doubtful...so lets say another 4.) so basically i am looking at it taking me 10 years to complete my bachelors degree & to be licensed as a dental hygienist, instead of 5 years. it's bushi.

now begins the scramble.

Lia Charlotte Oldroyd

so i was eaten alive by finals week. i've finished now, and have sufficiently put up enough posts to update you on life for the past month and 1/2. so keep on scrolling, there are quite a few new ones. however, i REALLY couldn't leave this little bit unmentioned...

LIA CHARLOTTE OLDROYD
born: 28 November 2007
weight: 9lbs. 5oz.
length: 22in.

also, i should probably mention that she's not ours...she is our new niece. miss lia and i will be spending a lot of time together this next semester. i am going to be lia's nanny three days a week. yeah, basically that doesn't suck. at all.

dinner with friends

tomorrow i am making dinner for eight. just thought that i would let y'all know what you're missing.

[Appetizer]
Fresh Fig, Basil & Parma Ham Sarnie

Smoked Salmon, Lemon & Creme Fraiche Sarnie
Raw Beet, Horseradish & Feta Salad


[Soup]
Roasted Mushroom & Truffle Soup


[Main]
Slow Cooked Shoulder of Lamb with Roasted Vegetables
Maple Caramelized Carrots with Orange & Herb


[Dessert]
Orange & Cardamom English Cream
Molten Chocolate Cake

for caitlin

- i wish the ring had never come to me. i wish none of this had happened.
- ... so do all who live see such times. but that is not for them to decide. all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. there are other forces at work in this world Frodo besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the ring, in which case you also were meant to have it. And that, is an encouraging thought.

i'm not a crazed lord of the rings fan, but this bit seemed so fitting. sometimes i'm so overwhelmed by the evil around and so underwhelmed by the good. consumed by the moment, the here and now, what i can see before me, the present. i find myself also wanting to say "i wish none of this had happened". but somewhere there is an encouraging thought. today cait, you are my encouraging thought.

that's right sucka, she is that cute.

late but nonetheless important. pictures of my brother's daughter from our family vacation to vegas for my papa's 60th birthday.

attic house

i don't know if we have a particular style of decorating, but if we do i would call it "attic". the picture above is from a dresser in our bedroom filled with books, sean's grandfather's typewriter, a CD player, an old radio clock. the rest of our house is a mish-mash of old quilts and blankets, lamps...none of which match. our furniture wasn't picked for it's decorative-ness, it was mostly given to us. my husband is also a "keeper". it's an inherited trait. his grandfather had it, his mother has it... this trait is the reason we have a box full of football cards, an old boyscout uniform, walkmans that may or may not work any longer, shoes that no longer fit him, and boxes and boxes of pictures. most of the time when i look around our house i feel as though i live in a grandparent's attic. odds-n-ends, funny bits of things that you've never seen before, antiques, a tin full of buttons, dusty books and pictures of family history. an attic house never quite looks clean - always a bit out of sorts...but it's home.

All Hallows Eve

we celebrated two nights early (sean's working the next two nights). popcorn, hot coco, pumpkin carving, ghostbusters & roasted pumpkin seeds. perfect. maybe my favorite night of the year.

i feel badly for you if you don't enjoy wes anderson.

adrian brody's sunglasses were superb during this film. as always the music - brilliant. the next time i'm sick i think that i would like to watch wes anderson movies on a loop.

candle snuffers

Peter: what did you bring me over here for? But this is absurd it's just a dog.

JM Barrie: Just a dog? Just?? Porthos don't listen to him. Porthos dreams of being a bear and you want to dash those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle snuffing word. That's like saying he can't climb that mountain he's just a man. Or that's not a diamond, it's just a rock. Just...

Peter: Fine then turn him into a bear. If you can.

JM Barrie: With those eyes my bonny lad, I'm afraid you'd never see it.
from Finding Neverland

Sometimes I feel the world is so full of candle snuffers that I'm all alone.

the past few days: holy mole

sean spent most of monday evening pacing around the living room and leaning on the couch in a nervous frenzy, but it was all relieved when holliday scored the winning run in the 13th? inning [even if he did not actually touch home plate ... technicality].

tuesday evening i made a fennel & sweet potato cream soup and sean had made his first list of possible med schools to be narrowed down. so after dinner we sat at the table, ate hot chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven & talked about where we might live next: philadelphia, maine, new york, south carolina, california, oregon, tennessee, d.c., chicago, washington, iowa ...

this morning i had a doctors appointment and was given a hep. b shot & a tetanus shot in the same arm, which left me with dead arm all day. as a bonus it also sent me into a drug induced sleep comma...i awoke a few hours later with amazing pillow creases all over my face.

superstitions.

i'm not going to say anything because i don't want to jinx it. i'm not even going to think it.

...but what if!

october...

one game back.
if they make it, i'm sure that my grades will suffer. and what the heck does manny corpas write in the dirt before he pitches? he used to make me very nervous, but lately he has been just beautiful.
now we just hope that the padres will be too demoralized to win any more games and that the phillies hit a terrible rut...

last night of summer

last friday night we parked up on pine on the west end, and walked down to pearl street. past the old victorian & craftsman houses, over the cracked sidewalks & past small, overgrown alleyways. walked into nick-n-willy's and ordered a few slices of pizza and sat outside at one of two tables on the sidewalk under the big old tree. we talked about restaurants & how much we liked the west end, how it still felt like an old neighborhood & not pretentious. it was one of those evenings. sun falling behind the flatirons, the sidewalk still warm from the afternoon, but there was a cool wind stirring up & the leaves were starting to turn. a last night of summer night. after pizza we decided to take a little look-see into the west end wine shop across the way, then we turned to walk down pearl street towards the heart of downtown, the pearl street mall. then, in the distance we heard unmistakably, a marching band playing. all of a sudden we were surrounded by the entire university of colorado football team & marching band. the team was throwing small gold footballs out to the kids in the gathering crowd & people were dancing & clapping & cheering for CU. at some point during this i looked at sean and said, "...what town are we in?" once the parade had passed, we continued on past street performers, and i stopped into a coffee shop for an americano. as we walked back up the mall sean bought a hotdog from the vendor on the mall and we sat on a bench and listened to a man dressed up like it was the old west, playing his banjo. it was a completely perfect end of summer night. surreal & enchanting. the way that summer should leave you... ready for change, but clinging to the memories.

you probably didn't know

...that using mustard greens instead of lettuce makes one heck of a sandwich.

i love you

"So many impossible things have already happened in this life. He doesn't think twice when she tells him to get ready: He's about to get a haircut.

He sits in the chair in the upstairs room, the room they sometimes joke and refer to as the library. There's a window there that gives light. Snow's coming down outside as newspapers go down around his feet. She drapes a big towel over his shoulders. Then gets out her scissors, comb, and brush.

This is the first time they've been alone together in a while - with nobody going anywhere, or needing to do anything. Not counting the going to bed with each other. That intimacy. Or breakfasting together. Another intimacy. They both grow quiet and thoughtful as she cuts his hair, and combs it, and cuts some more. The snow keeps falling outside. Soon, light begins to pull away from the window. He stares down, lost and musing, trying to read something from the paper. She says, "Raise your head." And he does. And then she says, "See what you think of it." He goes to look in the mirror, and it's fine. It's just the way he likes it, and he tells her so.

It's later, when he turns on the porchlight, and shakes out the towel and sees the curls and swaths of white and dark hair fly out onto the snow and stay there, that he understands something: He's grownup now, a real, grownup, middle-aged man. When he was a boy, going with his dad to the barbershop, or even later, a teenager, how could he have imagined his life would someday allow him the privilege of a beautiful woman to travel with, and sleep with, and take his breakfast with? Not only that - a woman who would quietly cut his hair in the afternoon in a dark city that lay under snow 3000 miles away from where he'd started. A woman who could look at him across the table and say, "It's time to put you in the barber's chair. It's time somebody gave you a haircut."'

A Haircut
by Raymond Carver

i love you seany. happy anniversary.

opinions

i'm thinking about moving to a wordpress site...thoughts?

soundtrack to my life

it's ever-changing. but these days spoon has really been doing it for me. this past thursday kenna and i simply lied down on the floor and listened. we were a little overwhelmed with life. it helped.

hey little girl.

this past may i spent time with my family in california. gwen-scout [my niece] & i spent a lot of time together. we practiced balancing things on her head...she's good. she also spent a good amount of time "riding-like-hell" on a dora the explorer car @ the park in laguna beach. unfortunately, there was no dora car for myself...or i would have raced her. and won.

leave us speachless

poverty. is so hard to see. when it's only on your tv, or twenty miles across town. where we're all livin' so good, that we moved out of Jesus' neighborhood. where's he's hungry and not feelin' so good, from going through our trash. he says more than just your cash and coin i want your time i want your voice, i want the things you just can't give me. so what must we do? here in the west we want to follow you. we speak the language and we keep all the rules, even a few we made up. come on and follow me, but sell your house, sell your SUV, sell your stocks, sell your security, and give it to the poor. well what is this? hey what's the deal? i don't sleep around and i don't steal. but i want the things you just can't give me. i want the things you just can't give me. because of what you do to the least of these, my brothers you have done it to me. because i want the things you just can't give me. i want the things you just can't give me.

rich young ruler
derek webb

scattered, un-developed thoughts.

i really like moleskines.
i enjoyed the fact that my chem II professor recalled our first week of class as a "real killer".
i'm officially ready for fall to begin & for summer to leave.
someone that i worked with today looked at me and said quite enthusiastically, "i'm ready for a monsoon!" i held my tongue and didn't say disgustedly, "what? who says that??"
i think i'm done with, this something...whatever it's been. i'm going to st. john's tomorrow.
today i cursed myself for having cut my hair.
i've been wearing the same glasses since my senior year in high school. they're terrible.
i discovered, only this evening, that my cousin luke has a beard.
i think that i actually dislike cordless phones.
i wish that we lived closer to my brother & his wife & my niece.
i may stop by the kitchen for a croissant tomorrow.
today's been a fairly sad day. i hope that tomorrow is better.

since kindergarten

here's to bath tubs full of jello, to painting play houses, to playing make-believe, to hours of dancing, watching erie indiana & are you afraid of the dark, to swimming & slip-in-slide, summers in the "junk yard" and tumble weed houses. happy belated birthday lildra j, i love the girl you were, i love the woman you have become. it's been quite a ride for eighteen years...here's to eighteen more.

a motion to the floor

i really think that sean should start back up with his typepad site. anyone to second that motion?

also, sadly i did fail to mention that one of my favorite parts of our florida excursion was our time in ybor city, where i watched and listened as sean talked with an 80 year old man from cuba while he rolled cigars. he'd been rolling cigars since he was 14 years old.

withlacoochee & chiggers ... ding. dang. doosie.

i've been trying for weeks to post something about our trip to florida. but there are just no words for our time there.
i hope that these photos give you at least a glimps of our many, many adventures.