14 December 2007

dinner with friends

tomorrow i am making dinner for eight. just thought that i would let y'all know what you're missing.

[Appetizer]
Fresh Fig, Basil & Parma Ham Sarnie

Smoked Salmon, Lemon & Creme Fraiche Sarnie
Raw Beet, Horseradish & Feta Salad


[Soup]
Roasted Mushroom & Truffle Soup



[Main]
Slow Cooked Shoulder of Lamb with Roasted Vegetables

Maple Caramelized Carrots with Orange & Herb


[Dessert]
Orange & Cardamom English Cream

Molten Chocolate Cake

12 December 2007

for caitlin

- i wish the ring had never come to me. i wish none of this had happened.
- ... so do all who live see such times. but that is not for them to decide. all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. there are other forces at work in this world Frodo besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the ring, in which case you also were meant to have it. And that, is an encouraging thought.

i'm not a crazed lord of the rings fan, but this bit seemed so fitting. sometimes i'm so overwhelmed by the evil around and so underwhelmed by the good. consumed by the moment, the here and now, what i can see before me, the present. i find myself also wanting to say "i wish none of this had happened". but somewhere there is an encouraging thought. today cait, you are my encouraging thought.


14 November 2007

that's right sucka, she is that cute.



late but nonetheless important. pictures of my brother's daughter from our family vacation to vegas for my papa's 60th birthday.


30 October 2007

attic house

i don't know if we have a particular style of decorating, but if we do i would call it "attic". the picture above is from a dresser in our bedroom filled with books, sean's grandfather's typewriter, a CD player, an old radio clock. the rest of our house is a mish-mash of old quilts and blankets, lamps...none of which match. our furniture wasn't picked for it's decorative-ness, it was mostly given to us. my husband is also a "keeper". it's an inherited trait. his grandfather had it, his mother has it... this trait is the reason we have a box full of football cards, an old boyscout uniform, walkmans that may or may not work any longer, shoes that no longer fit him, and boxes and boxes of pictures. most of the time when i look around our house i feel as though i live in a grandparent's attic. odds-n-ends, funny bits of things that you've never seen before, antiques, a tin full of buttons, dusty books and pictures of family history. an attic house never quite looks clean - always a bit out of sorts...but it's home.

29 October 2007

All Hallows Eve


we celebrated two nights early (sean's working the next two nights). popcorn, hot coco, pumpkin carving, ghostbusters & roasted pumpkin seeds. perfect. maybe my favorite night of the year.

27 October 2007

i feel badly for you if you don't enjoy wes anderson.



adrian brody's sunglasses were superb during this film. as always the music - brilliant. the next time i'm sick i think that i would like to watch wes anderson movies on a loop.

16 October 2007

candle snuffers

Peter: what did you bring me over here for? But this is absurd it's just a dog.

JM Barrie: Just a dog? Just?? Porthos don't listen to him. Porthos dreams of being a bear and you want to dash those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle snuffing word. That's like saying he can't climb that mountain he's just a man. Or that's not a diamond, it's just a rock. Just...

Peter: Fine then turn him into a bear. If you can.

JM Barrie: With those eyes my bonny lad, I'm afraid you'd never see it.
from Finding Neverland

Sometimes I feel the world is so full of candle snuffers that I'm all alone.

03 October 2007

the past few days: holy mole

sean spent most of monday evening pacing around the living room and leaning on the couch in a nervous frenzy, but it was all relieved when holliday scored the winning run in the 13th? inning [even if he did not actually touch home plate ... technicality].

tuesday evening i made a fennel & sweet potato cream soup and sean had made his first list of possible med schools to be narrowed down. so after dinner we sat at the table, ate hot chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven & talked about where we might live next: philadelphia, maine, new york, south carolina, california, oregon, tennessee, d.c., chicago, washington, iowa ...

this morning i had a doctors appointment and was given a hep. b shot & a tetanus shot in the same arm, which left me with dead arm all day. as a bonus it also sent me into a drug induced sleep comma...i awoke a few hours later with amazing pillow creases all over my face.

30 September 2007

superstitions.

i'm not going to say anything because i don't want to jinx it. i'm not even going to think it.

...but what if!

26 September 2007

october...


one game back.
if they make it, i'm sure that my grades will suffer. and what the heck does manny corpas write in the dirt before he pitches? he used to make me very nervous, but lately he has been just beautiful.
now we just hope that the padres will be too demoralized to win
any more games and that the phillies hit a terrible rut...

24 September 2007

last night of summer

last friday night we parked up on pine on the west end, and walked down to pearl street. past the old victorian & craftsman houses, over the cracked sidewalks & past small, overgrown alleyways. walked into nick-n-willy's and ordered a few slices of pizza and sat outside at one of two tables on the sidewalk under the big old tree. we talked about restaurants & how much we liked the west end, how it still felt like an old neighborhood & not pretentious. it was one of those evenings. sun falling behind the flatirons, the sidewalk still warm from the afternoon, but there was a cool wind stirring up & the leaves were starting to turn. a last night of summer night. after pizza we decided to take a little look-see into the west end wine shop across the way, then we turned to walk down pearl street towards the heart of downtown, the pearl street mall. then, in the distance we heard unmistakably, a marching band playing. all of a sudden we were surrounded by the entire university of colorado football team & marching band. the team was throwing small gold footballs out to the kids in the gathering crowd & people were dancing & clapping & cheering for CU. at some point during this i looked at sean and said, "...what town are we in?" once the parade had passed, we continued on past street performers, and i stopped into a coffee shop for an americano. as we walked back up the mall sean bought a hotdog from the vendor on the mall and we sat on a bench and listened to a man dressed up like it was the old west, playing his banjo. it was a completely perfect end of summer night. surreal & enchanting. the way that summer should leave you... ready for change, but clinging to the memories.















19 September 2007

you probably didn't know

...that using mustard greens instead of lettuce makes one heck of a sandwich.

18 September 2007

i love you


"So many impossible things have already happened in this life. He doesn't think twice when she tells him to get ready: He's about to get a haircut.

He sits in the chair in the upstairs room, the room they sometimes joke and refer to as the library. There's a window there that gives light. Snow's coming down outside as newspapers go down around his feet. She drapes a big towel over his shoulders. Then gets out her scissors, comb, and brush.

This is the first time they've been alone together in a while - with nobody going anywhere, or needing to do anything. Not counting the going to bed with each other. That intimacy. Or breakfasting together. Another intimacy. They both grow quiet and thoughtful as she cuts his hair, and combs it, and cuts some more. The snow keeps falling outside. Soon, light begins to pull away from the window. He stares down, lost and musing, trying to read something from the paper. She says, "Raise your head." And he does. And then she says, "See what you think of it." He goes to look in the mirror, and it's fine. It's just the way he likes it, and he tells her so.

It's later, when he turns on the porchlight, and shakes out the towel and sees the curls and swaths of white and dark hair fly out onto the snow and stay there, that he understands something: He's grownup now, a real, grownup, middle-aged man. When he was a boy, going with his dad to the barbershop, or even later, a teenager, how could he have imagined his life would someday allow him the privilege of a beautiful woman to travel with, and sleep with, and take his breakfast with? Not only that - a woman who would quietly cut his hair in the afternoon in a dark city that lay under snow 3000 miles away from where he'd started. A woman who could look at him across the table and say, "It's time to put you in the barber's chair. It's time somebody gave you a haircut."'

A Haircut
by Raymond Carver

i love you seany. happy anniversary.

16 September 2007

opinions

i'm thinking about moving to a wordpress site...thoughts?

15 September 2007

soundtrack to my life

it's ever-changing. but these days spoon has really been doing it for me. this past thursday kenna and i simply lied down on the floor and listened. we were a little overwhelmed with life. it helped.

13 September 2007

hey little girl.

this past may i spent time with my family in california. gwen-scout [my niece] & i spent a lot of time together. we practiced balancing things on her head...she's good. she also spent a good amount of time "riding-like-hell" on a dora the explorer car @ the park in laguna beach. unfortunately, there was no dora car for myself...or i would have raced her. and won.


08 September 2007

leave us speachless

poverty. is so hard to see. when it's only on your tv, or twenty miles across town. where we're all livin' so good, that we moved out of Jesus' neighborhood. where's he's hungry and not feelin' so good, from going through our trash. he says more than just your cash and coin i want your time i want your voice, i want the things you just can't give me. so what must we do? here in the west we want to follow you. we speak the language and we keep all the rules, even a few we made up. come on and follow me, but sell your house, sell your SUV, sell your stocks, sell your security, and give it to the poor. well what is this? hey what's the deal? i don't sleep around and i don't steal. but i want the things you just can't give me. i want the things you just can't give me. because of what you do to the least of these, my brothers you have done it to me. because i want the things you just can't give me. i want the things you just can't give me.

rich young ruler
derek webb

scattered, un-developed thoughts.

i really like moleskines.
i enjoyed the fact that my chem II professor recalled our first week of class as a "real killer".
i'm officially ready for fall to begin & for summer to leave.
someone that i worked with today looked at me and said quite enthusiastically, "i'm ready for a monsoon!" i held my tongue and didn't say disgustedly, "what? who says that??"
i think i'm done with, this something...whatever it's been. i'm going to st. john's tomorrow.
today i cursed myself for having cut my hair.
i've been wearing the same glasses since my senior year in high school. they're terrible.
i discovered, only this evening, that my cousin luke has a beard.
i think that i actually dislike cordless phones.
i wish that we lived closer to my brother & his wife & my niece.
i may stop by the kitchen for a croissant tomorrow.
today's been a fairly sad day. i hope that tomorrow is better.

29 August 2007

since kindergarten

here's to bath tubs full of jello, to painting play houses, to playing make-believe, to hours of dancing, watching erie indiana & are you afraid of the dark, to swimming & slip-in-slide, summers in the "junk yard" and tumble weed houses. happy belated birthday lildra j, i love the girl you were, i love the woman you have become. it's been quite a ride for eighteen years...here's to eighteen more.

28 August 2007

a motion to the floor

i really think that sean should start back up with his typepad site. anyone to second that motion?

also, sadly i did fail to mention that one of my favorite parts of our florida excursion was our time in ybor city, where i watched and listened as sean talked with an 80 year old man from cuba while he rolled cigars. he'd been rolling cigars since he was 14 years old.

23 August 2007

withlacoochee & chiggers ... ding. dang. doosie.







i've been trying for weeks to post something about our trip to florida. but there are just no words for our time there.
i hope that these photos give you at least a glimps of our many, many adventures.


30 July 2007

like you didn't notice


robert di nero is h-o-t hot in the godfather: part II











16 July 2007

what? honestly...a break please. from myself.

earlier in the week i was stalked/almost ran over by a 25 year old hippie driving a brand new audi, which pissed me off on a myriad of levels.
yesterday at work a man dumped the cappuccino i had just made him into the trashcan, brought back the mostly empty cup and told me, "excuse me girl. would you put some foam on this. the other foam had coffee mixed in with it. i don't like brown foam. have you ever made this before?" to which i really wanted to answer, "yes you little shit."
i've been house sitting a lot this summer. this week i managed to lock myself out of the house. car keys, house keys inside. phone inside. dogs & myself outside. the dogs kept giving me a look that i translated to "great. now we're stuck outside with this moron." i spent quite a while contemplating breaking a window before my logical self explained sardonically, "you don't have any money with which to replace said broken window. plus, doubtful you could break it without causing some sever trauma or death to yourself." basically it just ended with me having to go from neighbor to neighbor explaining that i was the brilliant person that locked myself out of the house and "do you happen to have their cell phone number? or a key?" one of my favorite things to do in life. knock on strangers doors to explain my inadequacies in handling even the simplest of tasks.
while on my way to hang out at pekoe & read i was stuck behind someone who had the audacity to place a bumper sticker on their giant SUV that read...and i kid you not..."PROUD PARENT OF A VEGAN HONOR STUDENT". what the? i was extremely tempted to ask the "proud parent" if they thought the lack of protein was responsible for their child's brain power. "you see mom...i got a C in math because i ate the steak last night...if only you would feed me vegan meals."
i've been reading anne lamott for the last few days and today i read, "A woman i know says, for her morning prayer, 'Whatever,' and then for the evening, 'Oh well'". That's about what mine have sounded like lately. I am okay with that right now.

also. a giant boulder fell from the rock barrier that leads down to our front door. it's now been there for days because it's so heavy that sean & our landlord are physically unable to move it. so we've just been stepping/jumping over it to "walk" into our house. clearly amos isn't pleased with the situation either.










03 July 2007

summer time



one of many trips to the ballpark this summer. a much needed break from school & work. i love summer.

29 June 2007

coming soon...



i'm sure that sean & i will see the new harry potter movie when it comes out. but more importantly we'll probably go with these two....& maybe we'll make him sign autographs.


14 June 2007

magic 8 ball

my view as kenna and i played with the cat in our backyard this evening.
preemptive responses to your questions: 1] yes our "yard" is huge. 2] yes, that is part of the pond in said yard. 3] most likely i contracted west nile while taking this picture. when i asked the magic 8 ball, it replied, "Signs Point To Yes", i suppose i can be thankful that the response wasn't "It Is Decidedly So."

13 June 2007

the stresses of everyday life


clearly, life's demands have been too much for him lately. keeping up with his bug killing quota has simply taken a toll on his young body...that or he's still wiped out from killing the atomic sized rat.

12 June 2007

conundrum

i am part native american. actual part, as in my dad's grandfather was the real deal. my dad & his brothers and sisters used to beg him to do rain dances in their backyard when he would come to visit. my pops is also irish. my mother is english & welsh [& lots of other bits of european i'm sure]. so at times i can't help but think, "am i the oppressor? or the oppressed?" at some point my friend posted about the fact that every white person is an oppressor & a colonizer [that's is badly summarized, read her statement here.]
and ever since i read that post of hers i have thought to myself, "would i say that i am those things?"
i am those things, and i am not those things.

you'd never guess

that often i am awoken by the voice of johnathan capp saying, "wake-y, wake-y, eggs & bake-y, get up, rise & shine. Wooooo!"
[it's sean's alarm clock]

10 June 2007

a bit more like home

baseball seasons makes colorado feel a bit more like home for me each summer. the dodgers will always be my team. always. however, i must admit that i have found a favorite on the rockies team. jeff "baby face" francis.
it's sad when you're favorite is a pitcher however, because they're not always going to play. but he is by far my favorite for the rockies. my other favorites are Kazuo Matsui & ryan "fancy face" spilborghs.

29 May 2007

afternoon thunderstorms

i don't have much to write about them. i just like them. i tried writing a whole montage about my childhood and such, including some heartwarming story about rainstorms. but really...i just like them. they make me laugh, no explanation why. the same way roller coasters do, but for different reasons i'm sure.
i have decided to not take any classes this summer and so i am looking forward to a calm, relaxing summer of afternoon thunderstorms...or if it's not calm and relaxing...maybe i'll have a summer like in the burbs, full of adventure...spying on neighbors & suspecting them of murder. i mean isn't that how all those movies start? with someone planning on having a great "relaxing time" like beatlejuice or funny farm. man, how completely awesome would that summer be; a mixture of the burbs, beatlejuice & funny farm.
other random thought: perhaps people walk around with their iPod permanently connected to their head because they wish...like so many, that their life could come with a soundtrack. i mean, it's pretty close you gotta admit.

01 May 2007

secret...

i love hostess cupcakes.
it's finals week. this week i have 3 finals, 1 unit test and one presentation. so i bought hostess cupcakes. no they're not good for you. and yes i like the fact that they don't exactly taste like chocolate. they taste like a hostess cupcake. not like any actual real food. so when you ask yourself, "how will she get through finals?" you may now answer yourself, "with lots of coffee, tea, and hostess cupcakes."
also, i find that during finals week there's just never enough time. i'm sure something all college students experience. however i find myself freaking out "what? i just checked my e-mail for 30 minutes?!? that's 30 minutes i've lost now! i'm going to be up forever. the rest of my LIFE! i'll never sleep again!" [a real charlie brown moment y'know? lots of screaming with your face toward the ceiling & arms hanging heavily by your sides as if the world is too much.]
just gotta make it until monday at 700pm. it's like a mantra. monday @ 7...monday @ 7...

14 March 2007

not so bad

it's supposed to be about 70 today.
i am going to take the dog on a run, do some laundry, spend some time in the garden getting things ready for the spring and also some time studying for my classes this afternoon.

...did i mention that my brother's family is just lovely?




21 February 2007

this is what happens when you stick your nose where it doesn't belong.

[below] you get fatty face...
[above] what she normally looks like

[don't worry she is now on medication...however it was quite a long day. when she appeared in the kitchen at 600am with puffy face sean said sleepily, "why does her face look swollen?" i said, "because it is."]

16 February 2007

brilliant



my husband is brilliant. besides the fact that he was a professional cook for years, and now is a pre-med student, today he made me two loaves of homemade whole wheat bread, and gave me a fabulous hair cut. brilliant.

15 February 2007

sickened.

i just finished reading a post about Princeton Theological Seminary's lack of care for "sustainability", and the accompanying comments. you can check it out here. mostly after reading the last comment i was outraged, sickened. felt like screaming and crying all at the same time. what is the church doing? what are we doing? the last comment i read was this ["ringo" responding to another person's comment directed at him]:

"Second, Ringo, a Christian institution is never just a business. The real question is: How complicit does the church have to be in a humanitarian disaster before receiving due blame?"

[Ringo responds], "Well, how complicit does the church have to be until we have completely abandoned the gospel of Jesus Christ for political action and environmental issues? Then, instead of millions hungry, we will have billions in the dark about Jesus Christ. Both are important….but, again, I think we need to have our priorities straight."


...what does it matter if billions are in the dark about Jesus Christ if they're already dead? and yes we do need to have our priorities straight. but i'm pretty sure that saving people's lives was pretty high on Christ's list. but whatever. keep preaching to them, i'm sure that will help their hunger and disease brought on by our sin & abuse of the earth. continue to tell them about the loaves and fishes, because that might "feed" their souls.

honestly....
i am not saddened by this, i am disgusted. it makes me want to throw up. that "christian's" would honestly allow themselves to believe that caring about the environment and the people in it and the consequences of our actions are not important or have any bearing or effect on our faith, and actions, or that it is a "liberal" issue. that's shit, it's a human issue. what about "the least of these" what about the responsibility we have because we have been "given" all of this? what about the fact that if God spent time creating this he probably cared about it also? but i suppose that too is an inconvenient truth for some of us.

13 February 2007

i love the fog, i hate the snow

23 January 2007

nothing

honestly. nothing to write. but really, truly, honestly i have fixed the commenting problem. i think.

18 January 2007

unceremoniously

iTunes has apparently shut itself down on our computer. fabulous. so i went looking for another musical device so that i could get some inspiration for writing something of interest. i didn't find anything of interest, however i did find myself.
my iPod was in my purse, inside my bag. however to get there i pulled out a scarf, gloves still covered with london grime, umbrella, bags of unopened tea, sunglasses, a bag of peanuts, regular glasses with an old outdated prescription, tampons, chemistry textbook, planner, bottle of gatorade
, notebooks, endless amounts of chapsticks, two novels, my lab manual...it doesn't really end. as i sat on the floor with this surrounding me i thought, "this is me." like bits of me just landed abruptly and unceremoniously on the floor.
don't confuse this with being prepared. this afternoon i arrived for chemistry and realized that i hadn't brought any paper. which if you're being honest just really makes you think, "well shit." never mind the fact that i had the means to make hot tea, or have a delightful snack, or fully prepared for another freak blizzard. but paper? for my five hour chemistry class. no. that i don't have. so i look at the poor sap sitting next to me. it's at this point that i find myself thinking "someday. somday i'll be the one that has it all together. but today, is the day i ask for paper."
man, i mean you would think that simply by freak mathematical probability that eventually i would have to arrive a put together person every once in a while. the upside. it's thursday. my favorite day. thursdays mean the weekend. thursdays mean drinks and dinner with amanda and ross. they include dogs running a muck in the house, and the office and grey's. laughter and games. i like thursdays. there are many parts of my life that are creating a horrid tightening & churning of my stomach as of late. but thursdays....they're better.

11 January 2007

an apology and kind of a funk

first off. i'm not sure what was happening with the comments on my blog, but i feel i have fixed the problem. i hope. we'll see. here is my formal apology for the lack of your ability to comment on my blog. i hope in the future to operate in a much more professional manner.

today we are going down to denver. i have nothing to do down there but sean is going to talk to his chemistry professor about doing research or something. i plan to wonder around downtown probably stop at a coffee shop, or bookstore and mill about aimlessly.
today has been quiet. i woke up to the dog eating cookies. obviously that wasn't supposed to happen. then i made myself breakfast. a fried egg sandwich, coffee and a bellini. and ate it while watching
life aquatic.
i wish i had something moving to write about, or even something interesting. but i'm feeling drained today. not empty or depressed, just drained.
last night i sat on our kitchen chair staring into the fridge trying to figure out something to eat for dinner. sean walked in, kinda smiled and said, "oh no, you're demoralized" i felt demoralized.
so here's to today. here's hoping that it's better than yesterday.
"if i was cyring, in the van, with my friend, it was for freedom. from myself and from the land. i made a lot of mistakes. i made of lot of mistakes."

the examples given for labels for this post are "e.g. scooters, vacation, fall" most making sense. but scooters? i mean i publish a lot of completely inane posts, but
scooters. i haven't gotten to that point yet. a whole post about scooters...man, i don't even know where to start with that.

09 January 2007

because growing up is scary.

i don't hope that one day i could write this well. i am simply thankful that this woman can write so well. so very very thankful.

From "The House on Mango Street" by Sandra Cisneros
chapter: The Family of Little Feet
"Hurray! Today we are Cinderella because our feet fit exactly, and we laugh at Rachel's one foot with a girl's grey sock and a lady's high heel. Do you like these shoes? But the truth is it is scarey to look down at your foot that is no longer yours and see attached a long long leg."

it seems so inadequate. but all i can say is, me too....me too.

20 December 2006

flowers

everyone always talks about the seasons of your life. and how you'll look back and you'll laugh. or that you will remember with fondness the days when you had no money. i don't doubt that i'll won't remember this time in our lives. but no one ever decides to continue on with life without money. without their security. a month ago someone asked me what we were living on. did we just have a large savings that we were falling back on. "nope. just feel like this is what we're supposed to be doing" is all i can say. that always meets people well. they love to hear that. "oh that's great" they'll say "how good of you" well it may be great and well for someone but not them is really what they're saying. because sometimes you finish paying a few bills and there's ninty-seven dollars in your bank account. and rent is due in weeks and presents to buy and phone bills and, and, and. and y'know sometimes you stop and ask yourself. when is that time? when is it that i'm supposed to look back and think this was fun? when is it that this becomes nostalgic? when does it cross over from terrifying to "that crazy time in life". because i'm waiting and i don't see the light.
it seems like a very memorable time in life, but memorable like natural disasters are memorable. not like your 5th birthday party, or your wedding day. but hey. it's fun right? we'll have stories. and we'll get to tell our kids, and we'll remember when we ate pizza for every meal. except for that's just it. we don't eat pizza for every meal. it costs too much. so no i don't think this turns out to be one of those times. i don't think you look back on this and smile. i think you look back and say "thank God it's over". because if it were so fascinatingly fantastic you would be writing this post. but you're not, because it's not a time anyone ever wants to re-visit or re-live.

someday there will be flowers in the window...but i will not look back on this fondly. i will not yearn for this time of life again.




26 October 2006

...a complaint, a surprise, a bit of a who's who

a few reasons i don't like my school:
1) it smells like a movie theater. a great smell for a movie theater...odd for a college. it smells this way because they are always popping popcorn. again. i know you're thinking "i wish.." no. stop. you don't wish. it's odd.
2) i don't know that more teal and purple could have fit into a building. it's as if you've stepped into some horrid dream circa 1990 and you can't ever seem to leave.
3) i feel as if i am in college day care.
4) the bathrooms smell WAY worse than any bathroom in any school i've ever attended.
5) i have been there for almost 2 years now, and i still get lost...it's not big, it's mostly as if you are in a very badly put together maze...with lots of teal and purple.
6) there are no windows in my classrooms. my high school didn't have windows either. honestly...who's against the window? really...is there someone out there sitting around thinking of what would be the best environment, the one most conducive to learning and they thought "OH, a windowless world of teal and purple! THAT will get these kids thinking!"
7) it is located in the suburbia of suburbia land. it's nowhere.

however, i have learned that i really do like chemistry. honestly. it is now 2:50am and i just finished doing my chemistry homework (not because of procrastination, simply bad timing..only got it yesterday) but i was enjoying it....enjoying it and surprised when i looked at the clock that it was almost 3 am (i was lost in the fun). i could sit about doing chemistry all day long and i would enjoy it. everything fits into nice neat boxes, it follows clear rules, you sit around and manipulate and manipulate and then WHALA! perfect. incredibly satisfying.
also we're supposed to get a blizzard tonight? my A&P teacher who never speaks to me, and i'm not sure knows my name informed me of this when i walked in the door tonight. first thing the man's ever said to me. odder than odd. but hey, y'know, i've got that.

and humm...i'm not sure you've met my cousin MRS. ANNE C. GROVES! it was beautiful. pictures and stories to come.
for now....i'll leave you with the teal and purple popcorn suburbia, chemistry loving and a blizzard. i mean, what else is there really? and i'm not spell checking...it's begun to depress me once again.

03 October 2006

my lunch







...because sometimes you need a really good meal. i made homemade onion rings with a blue cheese/cayenne pepper sauce, and a hot dog with mustard. ohh man, it was good. i had to go with this picture because the camera battery died. the whole thing was made and consumed within 45 minutes...now on to the endless hours of studying.

02 October 2006

pictures from our walk









two wake ups

on mondays, wednesday and thrusday sean has to get up at 600am to leave the house between 700 & 730 to catch the bus down to denver. i try on most of these mornings to get up with him as well even though on mondays and wednesdays i don't have class until 300pm. but i figure "this will be good...i'll get things done...i'll have a morning...i love the morning." alas...mostly i fail at waking up with him, but i usually get up about the time he's leaving. this morning however was a whole different bunch of bananas.
i woke up between 500 & 545am (i never looked at a clock) but i woke up to a HUGE and incredibly loud crashing and banging sound in the bathroom. which startled both sean and i. apparently sean thought that i had fallen on my way to the bathroom (not that i've ever done that before) and so in response (he tells me hours later) he wanted to make sure i was okay, he wanted to check that i was still in bed. so literally maybe 2 seconds after the horrible crash awakening (heart still beating quickly...and still very sleepy) sean swings his arm over and hits me straight in the face. all i could say was, "ugh." and sean immediately starts apologizing profusely and without stopping, "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry..." almost as if he has no power to stop himself from apologizing. he couldn't stop saying it.
so after the whole hub-ub i settle down and try to get back to sleep....to no avail. to top it all of...now i have to get up and go to the bathroom. return to bed...still can't sleep. sean of course is totally passed out. i lie there for a bit and then alarms start going off...and finally sean gets up to go shower. and i think, "i'll just try and sleep for a few hours more." and then the cat outside starts scratching the glass on the door with his claws, which makes kenna whimper and stare at me...ENOUGH. i was awake.
get up, feed the cat, make coffee...drink some orange juice. eat breakfast and sit down to watch a bit of the today show. sean leaves around 730 and i lie down on the couch for "just 30 minutes" i tell myself. i awake at 1000am...alas, the second wake up.
here's to the day!


however. here's what i saw out our front door when i opened it to feed the cat and let the dog out....not so bad.


24 September 2006

too late

this weekend i did none...NONE of the massive load of homework i needed to do. i had plenty of time, but yet again was not only completely frozen by inescapable fear and procrastination but also by a cold. i spend the whole day today except for about 3 hours on the couch watching mythbusters and sleeping. now the weekend is over and i feel like crap because i didn't get any of my grandiose notions of doing all my homework and studying done...finding myself going into this week feeling confidant and put together (not as if that's EVER happened...but i still hold on to the hope that it will. i hold on like mold that holds on to your left overs.)
well here's to another week of flying by the seat of my pants, being frazzled, late and overwhelmed. and yet somehow i've even paid to feel this way. this is quite the incomprehensible system we have created.
i had a hot dog, just the dog..no bun, and chocolate chips for dinner...odd, and clearly not my best creation. sean is one of those people who will put the hot dog in a piece of bread if we have no hot dog buns....i am not. no bun...no nothin'. honestly, a piece of bread...a tortilla...whatever it's not the same.
i also vowed today to get to bed by at least 1100pm. it is now 1132. enough.
honestly if all i have to complain about is that i was lazy and that i ate a hot dog for dinner i realize..what kind of moron am i? well if nothing else i'm at least a consistent moron. here's to that. cheers.

23 September 2006

the familiar

in our living room/everything room we have a table that holds slots for our mail, coming up wedding invitations and a few pictures. below this table is where sean loves to stack things. sean loves to stack things everywhere in life but especially he loves to stack things on his desk and under this table. the other day i looked over and there was a stack of cooking books including the new professional chef, jamie's dinners by jamie oliver, and professional vegitarian cooking. on top of that was a prehospital emergency care text book, followed by a current issue of the onion, then a repair manual for mummsy (our volvo), and the crowning glory, the thursday issue of the new york times. sitting next to this large stack, an ECG/EKG text book.
mostly this just made me smile. it is not so much a summing up of who he is. it's not that these things define who sean is, but is part of who he is. he's a cook, a student, and an avid reader of everything. the pile is still sitting under the table because i've learned that if i clean it up, it will only find it's way back there.
...perhaps a picture to come

21 September 2006

i agree...

the other day shalene posted about "what if". it was beautiful. and it made me think about anne lamott's plan b. mostly about this bit:

"I called [my friend] Father Tom back. He listened quietly. I asked him for some good news. He thought. 'Well,' he said finally. 'My cactuses are blooming. Last week they were ugly and reptilian, and now they are bursting with red and pink blossoms. They don't bloom every year, so you have to love them while they're here.'
'I hate cactuses,' I said. 'I want to know what to do. Where we even start.'
'We start by being kind to ourselves. We breathe, we eat. We remember that God is present wherever people suffer. God's here with us when we're miserable, and God is there in Iraq. The suffering of innocent people draws God close to them. Kids hit by U.S. bombs are not abandoned by God.'
'Well, it sure looks like they were,' I said. 'It sure looks that way to their parents.'
'It also looked like Christ had been abandoned on the cross. It looked like a win for the Romans.'
'How do we help? How do we not lose our minds?'
'You take care of the suffering.'
'I can't get to Iraq.'
'There are folks who are miserable here.'"


i admit i have failed, have also missed the point.... but i wonder what if we spent as much time caring for the suffering here as we did complaining about the administration or the war or everything else we've found to complain about with this government? what if...

19 September 2006

honesty

what the hell do you write about when you have an anniversary? probably you don't start with writing hell. well i suppose you write about how the honeymoon is really over now, or how about you know the person inside and out. i suppose i feel as if the honeymoon is over, i dunno. i'm still happy, what does that mean? i have no answer. i think i like that. i like that i have no answer. i think that's why i hate school. i am completely content to simply have no answer. i think that scares people. they want to know. are they right? are they wrong? who's right and why? why weren't they right? maybe so that they'll be right next time. well this is marriage and unless this guy who sleeps next to me kicks the bucket i don't plan on having a next time, so i'm okay with no answer.
we both had class last night on our anniversary. i got home a little before 930pm. we had popcorn and ice cream and champagne and watch studio 60 on the sunset strip followed by the daily show. i realize this may sound extremely depressing. but it wasn't. i love popcorn and ice cream and champagne and i also love those two shows. i bought sean a bottle of Bodegas LAN Rioja Crianza, and he bought me a subscription to The Atlantic Monthly. probably this weekend we'll do something like go up to the mountains or out to dinner somewhere. but that's really not the point, it's about what is realistic in life at the moment. everyone always talks about how they are sickened by america's overindulgence in life. but they don't live as if they're sickened by it. i'm not saying that i don't fall into that as well. but i love sean and that's what it's about. it's not about the dinner or the expense. or any of that. that's the frill, and if that's what it was all about i wouldn't still be here. i wouldn't have gotten married. it's not about the overindulgence in the expense and the show. it's about what's real and what's honest. if i honestly love this man and he honestly loves me i don't care what we're eating or what we're wearing while eating it. sean always says, "someday we'll look back on these days and laugh" and i hope not. i hope we look back on these days and are sweetly reminded of the lovely honesty of life. maybe that's what you write about on an anniversary. honesty.

29 July 2006

barbie pink binder

today i feel odd. i just spent some time reading my cousin's blog and am continually blessed by my family. sometimes when i am just tired and apprehensive about where my life is going i find it either wonderful or terrible to listen to music. because it either helps a bit, makes me realize that you can't take life so seriously. music takes me through memories of life. however sometimes i'm just tired and emotional and it just makes me cry and freak out and feel as if i've lost my mind.
this summer has been amazing. i am surrounded by friends and family and loving it. these people bring so much laughter and truth into my life. however at times i hear a whispering in my ear. that sean and i are crazy. we have no idea how we will pay the bills when we get home. we have no jobs waiting for us in boulder. i have to find an internship or preferably job at a dental office. we have food to buy and animals to take care of. and sometimes the whispering in my ear becomes too much. our whole marriage has been saturated with trust. we've never had money, but we've never been in want. ever. more times than i can count i've looked at sean and said, "how will this work? where will the money come from?" and it's always there. sean works hard. most of the time too hard. i am more than grateful...sometimes i feel so unworthy in this relationship. not because of him. sean would never say that i am. and it's not an unworthiness of feeling that i am incapable of being in this marriage, just of that i don't deserve this man. i know it's the whole point. none of us deserve any of these things. and i don't deserve this marriage. but i am grateful. the other night i was sitting in the ranch house with a life-long friend and she said, "he's a good one. you are blessed. there really aren't many out there like him. really." She wasn't saying all guys out there are crap or that none of them are worth dating or whatever, but just in honesty affirming in my life that Sean is a blessing on all. that he understands what it is to care for people not to just care about people, but to actually care FOR them.
at our wedding sean and i danced to a Ben Folds song to which the chorus is "and i am...i am...i am, the luckiest." that's how i feel. the luckiest.
i am myself in this relationship. it's the best feeling ever. i remember when i was talking with annie after her and jd had been together for some time and she looked at me and said, "i had no idea it could be this good". i shared her surprise. it's true. i also had NO idea how good this could be. a couple of weeks ago i had a dream that sean was really sick with the chicken pox and when i woke up in the morning sean was already up, but just sitting on the edge of the bed and i sat bold upright and said "DO YOU HAVE THE CHICKEN POX?!?!" sean, classically in just the calmest voice said, "no. already have had." and then walked off to go shower. he didn't look at me like i was a loon. which i clearly am. he didn't even ask any questions. just.."no. already have had". this morning i woke up a bit after 700 to sean's alarm and called my brother to see how his wife was doing (she's in labor). he said that mom and baby were both doing fine but that there had been no progress. they were still just waiting. she went into labor probably around 1100-ish or so last night. and when i got off the phone sean said "well, what's the word?" and i said "still in labor" and then pulled the blankets back over my head and said "NO thank you". he just smiled at me, said he needed to get going. still groggy and horrified at the thought of giving birth all night long i said, "adios muchacho!" he kissed me laughed a little and said "adios".
i'm not sure he always knows what to do with me. but i do know as unworthy as i am in this, that i am a blessing to his life as well. i teach him how to not take life so seriously at times. and he blesses me with unconditional love and patience.
sean carries around a barbie pink binder. he keeps all of his important camp papers in it. phone numbers, legal papers, schedules, housing assignments of hundreds of children, sermons, morning talks, etc. he keeps it all in the barbie pink binder because it reminds him not to take life so seriously. a few weeks ago i made a silly flower pen for lyndsay pina, to remind her to not take life so seriously.
sometimes when i hear the whisper that sean and i are crazy for being out here this summer. that the money will dry up before we realize and we'll have no jobs and the bills will pile up, when i hear this whisper i loose my barbie pink binder. today i need to find my barbie pink binder or my flower pen.
those are all my thoughts for the moment.
adios muchachos!

04 April 2006

what a guy...

i wanted to title this post wordless, but that wasn't accurate. i am literally speechless. i am so angry with the owner of the restaurant right now that i can't even form sentences, i do however have many WORDS for what i'm feeling, but i'm not sure that they make a sentence, at least not one that would be grammatically correct. i have never felt anger like this before and i have no idea what to do with it. i know that there is a lot of injustice in the world, and most of it far exceeding this piddly thing in our lives...i just really never thought that someone would refuse to pay someone for their job. just refuse. sean was in the hospital for 4..5? days because of a horrible appendicitis and his boss took him off salary while he was in the hospital because he wasn't going to technically work 40 hours that week (he would only work 20), and then following week when he worked 65+ hours RIGHT AFTER SURGERY (so stay with me, now that's the full 2 week period...with a total of 85+ hours worked....MORE than the 80 hours he supposed to work in a paid period for his "salaried" position) and what does this ass do? he pays him HOURLY for the 20 hour week...and then SALARIED for the 65+ hour week, so that he only had to pay him for 40 of the 65+ hours he worked. thanks boss for that help and support during our hour of need.
okay i've got to stop tying or this is just going to get ugly...i've said this all as nicely as i possibly can. i think i need to throw up. i hate him.

03 March 2006

because people are asking

someone i work with thought that sean and i were separating because he thought that only i was going to california for the summer. he actually said (and i took this as a HUGE compliment) that if sean and i couldn't make it work that he didn't believe in love in the world anymore. now that the summer staff list is posted people wonder if only sean will be in california for the summer.
sean and i are not getting a divorce. wow, that just really killed me. it makes me laugh out loud every time.
secondly we will both be in california for the summer. sean will be coordinating crestview and i will be working in the fabulous office.
however i have to be honest that i'm really upset that sean and i will miss the grand homecoming of our very fashionable sister from europe...and not to mention harry.
sean and i were in target the other day to buy some stickers for our christmas cards. no, not very early, very late...what else did you expect? but i found myself thinking of the lovely amanda. not ONLY did we see that they now have the first season of grey's out...we also bought some jello. red jello. a.o., we could have been doomed to a slightly awkward relationship for months and months were it not for jello. man, that was close. miss you.
woah - i just saw some little girl pull out 5 live frogs from her diaper on america's funniest home videos.
i also sort of hate school. sorry to all you college lovers out there. i just don't like it. it's not amazing. it's not the end all be all of my life. i think it's kind of lame, a big hype. kind of like school all along, a bit of a waste of my time.
i also would like to announce that emma thompson is my favorite actress.

14 February 2006

because it's valentine's day, because this is love

"LAUGHTER

Nenny and I don't look like sisters...not right away. Not the way you can tell with Rachel and Lucy who have the same fat popsicle lips like everybody else in their family. But me and Nenny, we are more alike than you would know. Our laughter for example. No the shy ice cream bells giggle of Rachel and Lucy's family, but all of a sudden and surprised like a pile of dishes breaking. And other things I can't explain.
One day we were passing a house that looked, in my mind, like the houses I had seen in Mexico. I don't know why. There was nothing about the house that looked exactly like the houses I remembered. I'm not even sure why I thought it, but it seemed to feel right.
Look at that house, I said, it looks like Mexico.
Rachel and Lucy look at me like I'm crazy, but before they can let out a laugh, Nenny says: Yes, that's Mexico all right. That's what I was thinking exactly."

"The House on Mango Street" by Sandra Cisneros

28 January 2006

the wife of a cook

(preface: sean would never and will never refer to himself as a chef because he believes that CHEF is a title you earn something you accomplish. therefore he would call himself a cook.)
there is this big myth that has been started somewhere. that if you live with someone who cooks for a living that you must eat incredible things night and day. AND IT'S TRUE. i have a fabulous life, it's wonderful, and I do eat amazing things. however -
this is also the life as the wife of a cook. you do not eat dinner together. you do not eat lunch together, and you mostly just don't eat together. because although you have time for breakfast, most likely the cook didn't get home before 2am at times. would you ask the love of your life to wake up at 7am and make you breakfast if he didn't got to bed until 3am? would you? no, you wouldn't.
sometimes you would stay up until 1am to wait for him to get home, and most times you would eat dinner by yourself. and that's okay. life is different. and that's okay.
i'm never sure what to say to people when they feel badly for sean and I that we don't get to have all these things together. I married a cook. and that's okay. it's wonderful. this is who I love. and this is why I love him. yes, he works very very very long days for not much money. no we don't get much time together. no, he doesn't get to see his friends as often as he would like. I don't want him to get a 9-5 desk job, because it would kill him. and it wouldn't be him. I knew who I married. I knew the heart I married. and wouldn't want to change that for a million dinners together, or a million weekends. I love being the wife of a cook.

for your knowledge - tonight I ate dinner at 1015pm by myself. it consisted of three kinds of cheese (chevere, brie and cheddar), beets, and a few belienies (champagne with peach nectar). as the wife of a cook, you might not always have the cook, but you always have fabulous ingredients to make something with. not matter how lazy you are.

a birthday

january 26
so as everyone has been telling me, i am now officially old.
it is apparently unnanumous that i have no birthdays to look forward to. everything is down hill from here. mid-life crisis here i come. there seems to be some debate that turning 30 could be cool, however when people say that they have that look in their face. it's the...i'm trying to convice myself and you at the same time, but....neither one of us is buying this. or most people are bound to bring up the ever popular "well, at 25 you can rent a car?" but as my friend abe said today "oh, no you can rent one now, you just have to pay up the butt for it." and HONESTLY, who looks forward to renting a car??!? where are those people, no never mind, i don't want to meet them.
i'm sure that there are lots of groans going on out there. a lot of "my gosh you're only 22" it's true. but i think it might be the line that you cross. the old/young line. but no one wants to admit it. it's secretive and quiet and sneaks up on you.
my birthday was wonderful, as all birthday should be. quiet and simple and nothing big. just the way i like it. the only way that i would love a big birthday party is if at the party there was never a bringing out of any kind of cake. no singing of any kind. and no making me make any kind of public speech of any kind. however my dream birthday, lots and lots and lots of wonderful friends (and also my husband) at a fabulous restaurant at one big table eating and enjoying each others laughter, stories and company. but i want to sit in the middle of the table, not at the end and i don't want to sit next to sean. i dislike "couple sitting" it's strange and very alienating i feel to those who have no other. as if they need one. why can't we all be individules? you live with that person, do you really have to SIT next to them at every occation? why wouldn't you want to be surrounded with people you DON'T get to see everyday? odd.
every year on my birthday, since my 18th birthday i have listened to the same cd. my friend made it for me as a present on my 18th birthday. 5 years later and it's still a great birthday cd. i supose i'll keep the friend too.

22 January 2006

a song

i never do this. simply type out a song on my blog. because when others do this i never actually read the song. (sorry 'bout that) however, this song is being played over and over and over on my iPod right now. i'm glad that it is. because at least it means i haven't given up. i think.

hush - waterdeep - everyone's beautiful

when you feel like the days just drone on and on and on
and you feel like the nights seem quickly gone
and on the inside, you feel like your hearts just gaping wide
and on the inside, you feel like no one's on your side
well, I am
I am

when you thought you could rest, but you found out you were wrong
and there's another need another battle another one more thing that comes along
and on the inside, you hear the fall but you hate the falling sound
and on the inside, you can't pick another broken piece up off of the ground
well, I know

hush little baby, don't say a word
Daddy's gunna buy you a great big heaven to rest in.
he's bought it with blood, and put the seal in your heart
it'll give you the hope you need to get up and start....again

when all the things you thought you left behind are still hangin' on
and everything you try to do right, just ends up all wrong
and on the inside, everyone else seems basically fine
but on the inside, even they won't let go of the dead and cling to what's alive
well, I AM

hush little baby, don't say a word
daddy's gunna by you a great big heaven to rest in
it'll give you the hope you need to get up and start....again
again, again and again...

21 January 2006

they were right

so, as you grow up in life you realize lots of times that you thought you knew what you were talking about. but you didn't. you were wrong. or you didn't believe your teacher,parent,counselor. you thought you were right. you weren't. you were wrong. you didn't need help because you could do it by yourself. but you couldn't. you were wrong. they were right.

today i was driving and was OBVIOUSLY running about 5 minutes late. because who would be on time, when you can constantly be 5 minutes late to EVERYTHING in life. and as if it wasn't enough to simply be driving to work 5 minutes late after the whirlwind tornado of trying to shower and eat and dry hair and put on mascara and find clean socks at once, i also attempted to listen to two or three days of messages left on my cell phone. all from my complete lack of responsibility. i didn't charge my phone, and then i couldn't find the charger, then i found it but was too lazy to plug it in.... so there i am drving, out of breath, LATE, and listening to messages. and i had three messages, two of which i listened to without much mind, they were just the typical "hey, were here, are you on your way?" y'know those kind.
the third message was from a dear friend asking me to take on...to do something incredibly difficult. i was frozen, it was as if my mind had been going a million miles a minute and then all of a sudden i couldn't think. couldn't breathe. couldn't move. couldn't listen.

sometimes as you grow up in life
you realize lots of times that you thought you knew what you were talking about. but you didn't. you were wrong. i, cannot drive a car and talk on my cell phone. they were right. the parents, the politicians, the angry person with the anti-cell phone bumper sticker on their car. they were right.

there was no accident, there was nothing...i was in an empty parking lot. however, i thought i could, and i can't because i have no idea what the person on the other end might be getting ready to say to me.


14 January 2006

humm better?

man, i feel as though i woke up on the awkward side of the bed today. woke up late for work - it was one of those drying my hair while putting on make up while trying to get dressed all at the same time. i mean it ONLY could have been topped off if i had had the animals running around and a million children going crazy all around me. so i arrive at work all flustered and the day fell accordingly afterward. just everything gone to crap. i got to work with some people i like which was a bonus, but really, as fabulous as they are...not making up for the rest of it.
i have the next couple days off which i think will be good. i'm thinking about getting to some art projects started/finished - who knows. maybe try and figure some things out.
okay. really, i have nothing else to say. i'm stopping now.


13 January 2006

crap man

*unfortunatly honest. or maybe not. read at your own discression*
(listening to: blue light- bloc party)

i am feeling as though this may not be the best time for me to start blogging again but i'm ...what's the word. I DON'T KNOW.(and that pisses me off when i can't remember the word i want to use, however i am much MORE aggitated when i KNOW the word i want to use but cannot because i CANNOT SPELL IT. what the hell is a great vocabulary doing me if i can't spell anything.) whatever i just need to or want to? no that's not it. well here i am. i am still fighting the constant inner battle of kinda hating blogging.(i feel that's not gramatically correct) i really do think that y'all would be surprized how many times i THINK about blogging. but it gives me the same feeling in my gut like the thought of doing dishes or cleaning my room gives me. and yet here i am. strange. right....so i have been feeling a serious lack of laughter in my life lately. i feel very lazy. it's like i have no energy to pour into people. wow, that's depressing now that i see it written. it's as if people are talking and i just don't care. or i go to social events waiting for when i can leave. everything seems bothersome. i'm unhappy when i'm alone, i'm unhappy when i'm with people. i got to see some very close friends this past week and that was wonderful. they just know me so well, and i realized that a part of me is gone when they are. it's as if i've given them part of me that i can't have unless they're sitting next to me. i feel needy. i HATE being needy. i'm not excited about school. i'm not excited about ANYTHING. i hate work, i hate doing laundry, i hate waking up, i hate getting dressed. this isn't like alexander and the terrible no good very bad day. this is CRAP. i'm not saying that i'm not completely over privledged and have more than i ever should or deserve or need. maybe it's something in that...the feeling of glutany that makes you sick. that you've endulged yourself to the point of illness. as my friend said to me the other day "hum, that's called a sin babe." INDULGED MYSELF TO THE POINT OF ILLNESS. i feel discusting. i feel numb and disconected. i'm irritated and dissapointed with everyone. or with myself, or both, or neither. i find myself agreeing to stay only in the gray where it's comfortable for everyone. where no one will be offended. FUCK. that's how i feel. i realize that my parents and aunts and uncles, pastors and mentors, cousins and probably some old church lady and my GRANDMOTHER for gosh sakes reads this but that's how it goes sometimes.
so this is why i don't blog. I HATE THAT I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE TO. why am i forcing myself to do this? ....so i listen to myself. so i hear myself. not for you. it's not for you. not in a selfish way, but i'm not very good at getting things out. i let it cramp up inside, like that 3rd microwave burrito you shouldn't have eaten. (like the FIRST one that you shouldn't have eaten)
i'm going on a run. to get some of this out, or work some of it out, or barf some of it out (not in an eating disorder sort of way however) in a this world has made me sick kind of a way. I HAVE MADE MYSELF SICK. and i'm not spell checking this either.

but if that's the way it is, then that's the way it is.

13 August 2005

it's comin' up



i realize that we never posted any pictures from our wedding. almost a YEAR ago!

12 August 2005

beautiful day

earlier i was sitting here reading my email. i decided to leave the front door open so that the last bits of summer breeze could run a muck in our house, while drinking my most favorite wine in the world (louis tete beaujolais villages 2003). partially watching when harry met sally on tv, and waiting for my dinner to finish cooking....i just simply love summer evenings.

on a completely crappier note i got a freakin' photo radar and red light enforcement ticket in the mail today. sean tried to make it sort of funny...but lets face it. it's not. and it's even less funny because it's the second one that i've gotten. i know i'm sure that i'm not getting any sympathy from anyone right now because you're most likely thinking "well maybe you should stop running red lights" and obviously that's true. but it's not that i'm some crazy out of control driver. i just really really HATE those stupid cameras. i'm not arguing that i didn't run the red light. OBVIOUSLY I DID. i'm just really really annoyed by the whole thing. i have a lot of reasons which i won't go through because no one wants to hear me complain. i'm just really really annoyed that every day i have to pass through 5 cameras simply to get to work. i'm all for having safe drivers on the road but the reason that i'm annoyed by this is because sean and i really have no money right now...which is fine, we're being taken care of....but i'm PISSED that we're spending money that we really don't have to pay off this stupid photo red light ticket. i'm just tired and i hate wasting my money. lame. that's all i have to say....lame. mostly it makes me upset because it effects sean. now there are things he can't have or do..the cat can't go to the vet, etc etc... sometimes life is beautiful...sometimes lame.


10 August 2005

save the drama fo yo momma

the other night sean when sean and i came home we herded three...or four very large cows back into the correct pasture before walking in our front door.
i finally saw the new charlie and the chocolate factory on IMAX and i loved it. i actually found myself laughing out loud. the experience was made all the better by the fact that sean and i went with deanna, anne, capp, amanda, and ross. it was a great night.
yesterday i started a huge art project on my desk, i hope to finish tonight. it's raining right now...apparently it's the "monsoon" season here in colorado. but i'm not sure how i feel about calling this a rainy season...the weather here is just weird and that's all i have to say about that. but for now i'll drink my chai and return to my art. peace.